Sunday, December 24, 2006

Greetings

Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year...

May God bless you with all that you ask for in the new year and remember if He does not then He has something better planned for you, so there is all the reason to celebrate life whatever be the situation!

So my message for the new year is "Just Live Life and Stay Happy"!!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

"Sad Movie"

Last night I saw a Japanese (or may be Korean) movie named "Sad movie". I know the name sounds a little strange and instead of invoking sadness the first reactions were that of laughter at what the movie would possibly contain. But then as the movie carried itself, I too got carried away, started relating myself to one of the characters in the movie.

The movie started by introducing four different sets of characters and their lives. All the characters were neatly drawn and each had a message to give. One was about See and Young (names almost similar),deeply in love with each other but never been able to confess it. See works for a TV channel and she reads out news in the sign language that she has learnt from her sister who is dumb. Young works for a fire-station and perils his life everyday to save numerous lives from fire. They never propose each other, but still the love is palpable in every scene, it's intense yet unsaid! They see each other whenever possible and immensely care for each other. Before setting out of home, everyday See prays for the rains, as rains mean no fire and Young would be safe. Every time when See reads out a news of a fire somewhere, her heart sinks. The innocent and pure love they have for each other strikes an immediate chord with the viewer. You start wishing to see them settled, but some incidents do not let Young propose her. There are other characters too in the movie, but I was very influenced by this part of the story. Finally Young manages to get hold of a ring to propose her and decides to meet her that evening, but as destiny would have it, Young dies in the fire he goes to extinguish that day! Their love remained unspoken... And I cried in buckets at the last scene.

I know it is a very ordinary story, just tells us to confess our love before it gets too late. But isn't this very simple message ignored by most of us most often? Life is too short to wait for the right time to do things, if you love somebody tell her/him right away 'coz when you think would be the right time might just be too late!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Written after long!

I don't know why i just all of a sudden stopped writing, stopped it completely, so much so that I had also forgotten my blog entry password for a while... I was just not feeling like writing at all, just used to read other's blogs to update myself with the events of the blogosphere.

But now I again feel like writing, for I feel writing is the only way I can best relieve my tension, believe me with all these months of not writing anything there was no way I could vent my thoughts and imaginations, felt constricted and choked, but dint realize the reason for the same. But now I have, for an introvert like me writing is a weapon to make myself heard, and so without this I feel disillusioned.

Lots of things happened in all these days of keeping me away. A low- profiled person like me was pulled out of her den, and was requested repeatedly to lead a bastion! Pretty difficult and interesting I found the idea to be, but accepted it as a challenge. I am now the President of the Hostel Union. The higher authorities in the hostel felt that I am the only suited person for the post, a decision supported by the residents unanimously, and I for the first time realized that a shelled person like me too can be popular. I took charge and made my own team of people to work under me. Given the pressure of my research work, I chose my team immaculately, criterion being-people I am comfortable at a personal level and are ready to take up responsibilities!

The first event I was to organize was SPIC MACAY performance by Shri Margi Madhu, a famous Koodiyattam dancer. The arrangements were so good that even the artists could not believe that all that was for them, and kept on confirming it again and again, to our utter embarrassment.

It is good to lead, but I am always scared of being left "lonely at the top", so never wanted to take such a thing up. But then if posed with a challenge I have not learnt to retreat, so I am to prove that I can do this! And I will keep writing, about my success and failures, about my confusions and achievements...

Saturday, August 26, 2006

A day I will remember

I have two walkman (now I don't know if I should write 'walkmen'!), in one of them there is both FM and audio casette player (but only the FM radio thing works) and so I keep the other one for listening to casettes and incidentally that doesnot have an FM so actually I need both of them.

I got my room painted today, the white wash was done a few days back and today the doors and the windows were painted. The guy who painted them is a 17 year old kid. I was just generally with chatting him and so asked him if he has been to a school ever. He proudly chuckled to say 'higher secondary fail'... he had got burnt on that Diwali before exams and his whole face was damaged for which he could not study well. And then when I asked him if he continued studying after he recovered, he said no, he got married. I was aghast! He got married when he was just 11, that means he is married for the past 6 years. His wife is 16 years old now. I scolded him for marrying so early, he said had he not eloped with her she would have been married to somebody else. I was taken aback and shouted '10 saal ki umra mein'. "Haan didji hamare wahan bahut chhoti umra mein shaadi ho jati hain". I started cribbing about our social system, though din't speak anything aloud. India shining but is it really?

After little bit of coaxing and making him comfortable to speak out more, he told me that he loves her like anything and can do anything for her. When he found out that she was being married to someone else, he decided to elope and never to return to his family as they had refused to accept her and so were her parents. He belongs to a village near Lucknow and has not gone back to his house there since marriage. I asked him if he had never contacted them since then and if he misses his parents. He replied in a melancholy tone that once his wife got too sick, he called up his parents to come to Delhi and look after her while he is out to work. But they just refused to talk to him properly, and he got no help from them. He told me "didiji, main us samay lagatar 10 din tak bhookha tha". He admitted her to the hospital and to earn for the expenses he used to work day in and day out and saved all that he could save for her. He din't sleep or eat so that he can get her cured. He admitted that it was a bit of his fault and bit hers that they din't take care proper care of their health and so she fell ill.

I liked the responsiblty he feels towards her. He earns 100 per day as a daily wage earner through painting, so that roughly makes it 3000 in a month if he gets work on all days in the month, he spends 1500 for ration, 500 for miscellaneous including entertainment and saves 1000 so that they can have a kid. They do not have any issue as yet (thankfully I thought).

I was touched by his story, his love for her seems so pure. He is not careless, at this small age of 17 he is more responsible and sensible than I am probably.

He was rueing that he has been looking for a music system for her, he had got one also in 200 bucks but it conked out too early. He asked me if I can get something for him till he is here in the hostel with this contrat, he said he will pay me for it. "Didiji aaplog jayenge to achcha maal dega jo jaldi kharab nahi hoga". I bursted out laughing. He had finished off painting my doors and windows and was about to leave.

I gave me the walkman I had with the audio casette player and said that I generally only listen to FM and so I don't need it that much and he can keep it. He asked me how much should he pay me for it. I smiled and told him "Nothing, it's for her from me! May God bless you!"

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

A new chapter in my life

A new chapter has just opened in my life... I have become a research scholar in Mathematics at the University of Delhi, Delhi. There may be a few yawns at the very idea of becoming just another researcher amidst hundred others aimless ones and a few smirks at joining DU without going for the branded IITs, but the words in bold hold a special significance for me. I have been dreaming research since the time I started eating on my own, it was the faith of my favorite English teacher in High school who expired last year that I will become a scholar, the subject that has been closest to my heart since my childhood is Mathematics and a lot of it is due to my teacher and guru since class eight, Delhi University is the place which can provide one the maximum exposure one can dream of in every respect (which IITs won't be able to in my case at least) and Delhi is the place where my friend C is. With the above explanation I justify my being here for research in Mathematics, though I honestly add that these explanations are something I have just formed, it was more due to destiny that I am here when I had all the plans to go somewhere else for my higher studies. So the case is dropped from further interrogation.

I had my ups and downs in life, with sometimes success and sometimes failures. I am the kind of person who has a very short term memory and so I tend to forget the pains I go through due to failures and even the happiness I enjoy as a result of success. I believe in taking each day as a new challenge and the world a stage where you have to constantly prove yourself. When a great batting genius like Sachin Tendulkar can be booed for a bad performance then what significance do I hold in others lives that they will keep a note of my past achievements if my present puts forward a gloomy picture of failures? In this journey through years of proving myself, given that I am staying away from my family, I have learnt to take failures in my stride; they are indispensable and inevitable for the forth coming success, so it's important to remain unfazed by them.

The strong support system that I have got from my family and friends is something worth mentioning. My parents are the world's greatest parents who have understood all my sentiments without me giving them words. I have been given the freedom to have independent thoughts and entrusted for my actions. My brothers V and A are my strengths. Friends V, P, G, S, S and D are those who are just there anytime in my life even without my putting in special efforts to stay in touch. A, A, A and R are my career and love counselors. It feels really special to have them around and more so when I acknowledge their presence once in a while!

I know I still have lots of things to do in life; life has just started unfolding itself though it is still not making much sense to me. I need to keep working hard and give something really nice to my parents who have been sacrificing so much for me. The support system I rely on is a special gift of God to me and I pray that God remains kind to me forever. May God bless you all!!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Heads high

It's really fun to be in a hostel for the past five years... away from home the family that you form in the hostel is worth maintaining always. My best of friends are gals from my earlier hostel, I am still very much in touch with them and without telling them events that happen to me I feel absolutely irritable and restless. It's only when they know about what's up in my life and vice versa that we feel nice. And to add to the emotional support that I get from these friends any time in my life, the fun and frolic that we had is also worth mentioning. In this hostel too I have a small group of four (we call it our family of four) and the amount of fun we have together is amazing. May it be going to watch a movie to the nearby shady threatre , or just sitting back in the hostel and burning the CDs which any of us must have got as a gesture of love from our college mates, or messaging oil into each others head, or cooking something together, or pulling each other with some cool guy we met, or going out on a shopping spree together, it has been great fun throughout. Just yesterday we cooked maggi with vegetables, given the limited resources of utensils and masala and the frequent powercuts here (we have electric hotplates), it was an ordeal to make it upto the mark. But we managed and defied the long believed theory of 'too many cooks spoil the broth'. Today on Janamasthmi we plan to make 'halwa' with most of the responsibilty adhered to me (being a baniya, the expertise of making halwa is supposed to be in my genes), let's see!!

And then since all of us are now going to embark the 'grihastha' phase of our lives, so the educative sessions on sex, life-after-marriage, how-to-keep-husband-happy and how-to-balance-career-with-family are very much on the daily agenda of chit-chats in the after-dinner talks. We have our own shares of fights too, one surely will arise after we watch every movie together, as our personal reviews of it differ most of the time. Though it's true that our tastes are almost similar but then English language distinguishes similar from equal, so fight is inevitable! And yes we fight too when we discuss world-politics as well, we see Mr. Bush differently, we see Natwar Singh differently, we see Sonia Gandhi differently, and we see L.K.Advani differently, the difference being mostly subtle as broadly we tend to agree, or may be agree to disagree!

I have evolved as a human being staying in the hostel. Being a Cancerian, I have always felt too inclined to my family with my dependence on them for every little thing. And so had it not been for my hostel life I would not have been the person I am today, independent and ready to take on the world. Staying in a girls hostel does tend to instill a sense of feminism in you, but I have kept a watch that I do not get too driven away by it. I believe in equality but not chauvinism of any form, and so there is not much space for feminism in my ideology. I do not endorse exploitation or dominance either by a man on a woman or vice versa as well.

Overall it has been fun to be in a company of girls from small corners of the country who just had dreams to get them this far in life. They may have had to fight for being allowed to be sent back for further studies every time they go back home to spend a vacation, or they may have been fighting with the financial crunch as their father has three more daughters to take care of, or they may have been fighting the constant nag of their parents to get married, or they may be fighting the simple disinterest in letting them study, these are the girls who are determined to make a difference and do not let their tension show on their faces. With heads held high, and eyes dreaming of success, they form the backbone of our society!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Smaller the Sweeter

I have never understood my fascination for small things... the list about the craze for small may go on endlessly. I do not like dogs but I like puppies, I do not like cats but I like kittens and so much so I do not want grown up kids of my own, I just like them till they are infants! I have tried so many times to make my font size in this blog atleast the normal one but helplessly I again reduce it to small... Somehow I like things small and concise, I do not like people who write too long answers and try to use long complicated words to prove their point. The beauty of life seems to be in small things!

Monday, July 24, 2006

An innocuous though avoided blink

She gets up anxious suddenly by something, something makes her restless, she is no more able to concentrate, she has been studying since morning and is no more able to hang on. It's five in the evening and the weather outside is just too romantic, cool breeze just makes her feel so restless . She gets up from her chair unable to concentrate anymore. She does not want to decieve her studies and think about something else. She gets up totally unknown about what is she going to do now. With her mind thinking so many options she finally makes it to her cupboard, tries many clothes, unable to decide what to wear, she finally opts for the well-starched kurta and to make the selection easy she decides upon her favourite jeans. She admires herself for a while in the mirror, she does that quite often, that unknowingly is reassuring for her of everything being fine. She puts an evenly distributed kayer of kohl on her eyes, and touches a dash of gel on her lips, and makes a few sturdy- quick strokes of comb across her hair. Wearing her most prized possesion of a pair of Kohlapuri jootis she sets out of her room totally oblivious as to where she is heading to. She will decide that later on.

She stops at the juice corner for a mango shake, and then gets her favourite cup of mishti doi from the Mother Dairy outlet. She loves walking alone on such cool evenings. Completely decked up she is stared at by the onlookers but she is totally lost in her world, something that is keeping her away from the outside world. She is busy pumping out the dahi from the cup with the little spoon she had to negotiate for. She walks and walks, aimlessly for quite a while now. Feeling tired after wandering for a while she decides to sit on the bench at the park. She stares into the oblivion.

She sits there paying no heed to the numerous children running across on the park, or the loafers trying to make noises to distract her attention towards them. She is unintimidated. She keeps staring and flashes of the lovely moments of her life fill her. She recalls how he had brought for her her favourite pastries on the new year eve, and how he was so excited to tell her that a girl in his class told her that he is the most handsome hunk around, how he used to laugh at her for her not being able to decide the push or pull of a restaurant gate, or how he would wonder on her using her eyes for most of the talking, or how he would get worried for her if she just said that she is out in the rain without any protection. She remembered all the lovely moments that she spent thinking about him, how she would blush even at the mention of his name by her friends and how she would do anything to take his worries away from him, how she would make gestures through her eyes to make him understand her love for him which he failed to understand most of the time, and how she would willingly make push-pull mistakes to have a hearty laugh with him!

She does not want to blink as she knows that a blink will bring him close to her, a blink will want her to be with him and a blink will remind her of the moments that she had dreamt she would like to spend with him.

She keeps staring into the oblivion, unreachable by the mortal world...

Friday, July 14, 2006

Birthday

Another birthday, another year gone by, another interesting year to come up, another set of resolution making, another kick to the pocket, another day of getting to talk to long lost friends, another opportunity to aspire for a better life, another time to introspect my past, another chance to get to know my admirers, another opportuinity to feel great about the wishes I accumulate and another day to just feel cheerful.

I am on a high :-)

Monday, July 03, 2006

Smile please :)

Most of us think that smile brings happiness but it's actually true the other way as well, i.e if you are sad and you still smile, you become happy.

Errr... Sushant rightly pointed out that the above should rather mean "happiness brings smile but if you are unhappy and you still manage to smile then you become happy" :)
Smiling indicates good mood and it has proven to lower heart rate.

Researches have proved that if your facial expressions depict happiness then however angry or low you might be at that moment still you tend to be happy and forget your anger or sorrow.
So just keep smiling no matter what!
For all those who have forgotten to smile I found out the way to smile through a web search:
Here's how.

1: A smile begins with the eyes. Notice a twinkle, a feeling of amusement in your eyes.
2: Notice how they move naturally as it becomes a smile with the eyes.
3: You should resist smiling with your mouth. It will only grimace, so keep it fixed.
4: When you smile with your eyes, it will spread and your mouth will move naturally and easily into a genuine smile. Let the smile with your mouth come naturally when it is ready.
5: Beam with your eyes, and keep the rest of your face motionless until it breaks into a warm, friendly smile!
Practice in the mirror. See for yourself how this technique always works and makes you much more acceptable to others. Become a magnet of beauty! Smile with your eyes!
Now few other benefits may be listed as under:
1: A smiling face always finds quick takers, so that just goes to prove that you might get marrried earlier than the rest!!
2: People who smile more are optimistic in life and hence they have a strong immune sysytem and are able to fight illnes in a better way than the pessimists.
3: A research found out that peope who smile more tend to live longer than whose who have a frowning face all the time.

And there are many more, just a google search and you find lots of benefits to smiling.

But the best point is that there is no tax on smiling. You buy happiness and joy for yourself and for others abslolutely free.
And as per Kabir 'kal kare so aj kar, aj kare so abhi', so do not hesitate,
Go ahead and Smile :) :) :)

Friday, June 30, 2006

ud jaun...

mann kare ki main ud jaun...
chand taro ko main tod laun...
upar ki or badhti jaun...
khushiyan hi khushiyan lutaun...
hasti rahun aur sabko hasaun...
duniya se main gam ko mitaun...
pyar ko main dilo mein jagaun...
shanti ka paigaam sunaun...
ekta ka sandesh failaun...

is shahar ko chod jaun...
maan ke aanchal mein kho jaun...
gaon ki mitti sar se lagaun...
desh ko main kuch karke dikhaun...
duniya mein main naam kamaun...
chahe kitne gam main paun...
phir bhi aage badhti jaun...
uplabdhi ko main apna banaun...
dev se aashish yeh chahun...
karmpath se na bhatak jaun...

dridhta ko main gale se lagaun...
jeevan ke main lakhsya ko paun...
mushkilon ko asaan main banaun...
kash main pari ban jaun...
chhu mantar se yeh sab kar jaun!!!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tracing back

Do you ever trace back your life? I mean think over the little events of your life and see how life has unfolded for you? I did that, and let me tell you its fun!! The feeling of opening the book of your life and reading it with the sequence of the chapters based on your priorities in life makes you nostalgic. The successful chapters in the book bring smiles to you and the unsuccessful ones a bit of despair, but then when you try to find out the reasons for your failure, you realize that it was good that you failed in that chapter otherwise the next chapter containing your brightest success story would not have been written. So that actually does not make you sad anymore rather you realize the most important truth on this earth: "Whatever happens happens for good"... My belief in the above mentioned truth takes a back seat when I come to know about somebody's untimely death. I have never been able to find out the good behind somebody just dying suddenly,of an accident say. What good can there be when the man of the house dies of an accident leaving the household to worry about the means of livelihood...

I have just finished an almost India tour with my mother. Have been to the three metropolis (exclude chennai) and to Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh. It has been great fun, and I have got ample time to think about things, about happenings, about events and about people. I have been to villages and seen the jhuggi -jhopris. It was like a total freedom, with just maa and me, with no body to report to, we did all that we could do except drinking though. And a few good things as well, as we ended our tour at Haridwar... After a morning bath at the Ganges, we went on to see the Mansa Devi temple and the Chandi Devi temple and then the Patanjali Yog Peeth by Swami Ramdev. We were very lucky to see the evening aarti, it's such an unforgettable experience. And then the late night bus back to Delhi. The heavily crowded Ganga ghats, and the Haridwar roads made me think if this is really the Dev bhoomi and people come here to attain moksha or just to wash away their sins in the holy Ganga waters...

I was wondering if emotions are fan regulators that their intensity can be increased or decreased as per our wish. When we want to feel something we increase the magnitude and when we are too busy to feel anything we direct it to decrease it. Well I don't think that's possible and possibly that's what makes life interesting and spicy. That's what I guess are the "Dynamics of life".

Monday, May 15, 2006

Love reserved

In the midst of dreams and hopes, I get up every morning reminding myself that I am here to change the world. I am here to bring about a revolution, a revolution in which we will question our existence every day. What have we given back to the society for the air we inhale and the water we use to survive? And amidst this struggle of constant questioning, something good happened to me rather unnoticingly, I became a post-graduate today (yes results not out yet, but I hope to pass my exams). Graduation and then a post-graduation in Mathematics- Feels good!!

It seems like yesterday that I was standing in the queue to fill up the form to enroll myself for the post-graduate course, the interview for the same is just so fresh! But two years passed by since then. I no longer get to attend the formal day to day classes, meeting friends and the canteen gossips while bunking the classes. I no longer get to rush for the 2 pm movie show coming out of the back door of the classroom, just because the teacher in the class bothers to teach the black board more than looking into the students. I will miss the annual department trips which used to be such great fun. Last year we had gone to Shimla and we were lucky to find huge snowfall there. I made friend of my life in that trip. Nostalgic indeed.

The feeling of completing college and becoming just another unemployed youth (till I decide what I want to do next i.e continue studying or look for a job) is nauseating. Even after a grilling post-graduation in a subject like Mathematics, there is no instant guarantee of a job. One needs to employ whatever tactics one can just to get an ad-hoc or a guest lecturer in some college, forget about a permanent post as for that the eligibility has shot up to a PhD. The competition has increased manifold so the criterion to shortlist people has become more and more stringent. And while I engage myself in this tough fight, it will be really disheartening and demoralizing for me if my fellow OBC friend gets a cake-walk entry into the post of a permanent lecturer! Undoubtedly we both have slogged hard to complete our post-graduation and now why will she be given this preference while I am left to continue with my slogging? I feel that I am more socially challenged than her and don't see any reason to give her advantage at this stage.

We all need to struggle in our lives, and the challenge lies in overcoming our limitations and come out shining. There are no short-cuts to success then why a concessional entry to her, while I am still trying to find out the right gate. So my call- reservations for all!

I will miss my friends. They always complain that I have never told them if they are at all important for me, so let me tell it here. Pals you are very special for me. Your untainted support has helped to achieve all that I have till date and I need your love and care in future too. I am not very expressive in confessing my love, as I believe that the best feelings are those which do not have words to describe them. I can never write what you all mean to me. So just a promise that I will do all that I can do for you in my life. I love you all and will miss you.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dreamz

How often do you dream? And what do you dream? Do you dream the same thing always or different things? Are the dreams in anyway related to your life ahead? If yes, how serious are you to make them come true? And then when you put in serious efforts and they don't go your way how do you feel? If you feel sad, how do you recover? Once recovered do you dare to dream it again? And then even if you collect courage to dream it again, are you able to move ahead to give in your hundred percent to it again forgetting about the failure in the first attempt?

I am bothered by these questions these days! Am trying to find their answers!

Friday, April 28, 2006

The Cat Story

During summers night is only the good thing to happen. Hostel is miserably hot so during the nights with the fan swinging and a relatively cool breeze blowing outside I can concentrate on my studies well. One such night I was into my books, basically into a theorem. Most of my time I invest on doing out of the course stuff. A lot many tries to prove it my way had already gone unsuccessful. And just when I thought I was somewhere near (just about to be an Edison who invented an electric bulb after 17 failures) I heard a commotion in my corridor. My concentration was broken and the proof left forever there (had Edison been disturbed possibly we still would have been in darkness)... That is why possibly Mathematicians and scientists preferred to live in seclusion (I am saying as if I am some Ramanujan in the making. Oh thinking of Ramanujan I am really excited about the upcoming movie by Dev Benegal and Stephen Fry on the friendship of Ramanujan and Hardy). Still I have all the rights to complain however little my invention might be.

I went out of my room. In a hostel corridor-mates are supposed to be the dukh-sukh ke saathi so as a responsible corridor-mate I had to pry into the matter and step into the room of a girl two rooms away from my room. She had already accumulated a crowd and the gate bhaiyaji who was our ang-rakshak for the night was also on the spot. On enquiring I came to know that a cat has given birth to three kittens, two in her wardrobe and one in the box attached with the bed. That she keeps her room very messy was now known to all. The mother had abandoned the kittens, something that is very unlikely for the species to do that I came to know from the well-informed. Bhaiyaji took them out and put them in the box and left them out in the balcony. My hostel has lots of cats disconcerting us so the thought of three more was very frightful for my mates. All these didn't bother me the least but yes it was bothering a Cat-lover I know.

The Cat-lover friend of mine is Taam, that's how I call her, others call her the Vietnamese sister or simply sister. She is exactly double my age but we both gel along very well. I am the only person she feels comfortable to talk to. Two years back during the initial days it used to be an ordeal for me to understand her accent but now I am used to. She is in India to do her PhD in Indian Philosophy. She is a nun. She had once told me why she took it up but let me not go into that. Taam was pained by all that was happening and somehow seeing her bothered about the well being of the kittens I too wanted to help her. In the scorching sun those three kittens exposed to heat, one died of dehydration and other two were struggling. Taam carefully took them out of the box, buried the dead one in the hostel backyard and took the other two through her room to her balcony, later on she got them to her room. She managed to persuade their mother also to accept the babies and feed them. She informed me that of the two the darker and more fragile one was the female and the other a male.

Now nobody except for me knows that the two kittens are growing up under the strict vigilance of Taam, myself being the occasional visitor. We four play in Taam's room sometimes. It seems so complete, the otherwise dry life seems to brim with happiness. Taam has got medicines to cure the kittens from the lots of fleas that they have caught. I give them my share of butter to eat.

I was never averse to pets, but am a naive. The feelings I have developed for the kittens and the mother cat is a nice experience for me. I don't mind that my theorem remained unproved coz of hullabaloo the kitten birth caused as my birth too must have spoilt the peaceful mid-night sleep of the suffering mortals in the hospital, and if it's there then it will surely come up again on some pleasant night. I now just want to play with them in the corridor and not in the confines of Taam's room. I want to make them socially acceptable. Any ideas?

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Partitioning

Can't we just partition our brain into two parts- one emotional and the other practical? Why is it that decisions taken in the emotional brain effect the normal functioning of the practical brain that has to deal with the real life problems? The emotional brian is imaginative, the practical one is worldly. The emotional is personal, the practical is professional. I want that whatever happens in my personal life should effect the least to my professional life. Can't there be a wall between the two so that the deeds of one do not affect the other?

I want that I should be able to give in my hundred percent to my profession independent of my personal turmoil. Why does it seem to be that difficult? Is it at all that difficult? Can't I be that matured and wise to tackle both of them without hampering any of them?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

My worries

This is to bring to fore my recent concerns regarding the present day scenario of the society. My worries.

I am worried about the LDF again winning the West Bengal Assembly elections with a majority. Not that I am against the Left regime, in fact I really appreciate the governance and the policies of the Leftist government there but then I am always in favor of a change so would have appreciated had there been a strong alternative to the Bampanthi Sarkar in power since 1977.

I am worried about Narmada Bachao Andolan Leader Medha Patkar. Today is her seventeenth day of fast and her health has been deteriorating. Personally I am not quite in favor of this mode of protest as I do feel in our constitutional and democratic form of governance we have other effective measures to make ourselves heard but I really feel proud to have a fellow countryman as determined as her to fight for a social cause.

I am worried about the recent attack at Jama Masjid. No casualties reported so far but then the attack seems to me to be an attack to dismantle the peaceful co-existence of Hindus and Muslims. The aim is to bring about a communal disharmony in the society by attacking the religious places of both Hindus (The Benaras mishap) and Muslims (The Jama Masjid bomb blasts). Actually to me it seems to be the design of few mentally sick minds who need urgent psychological pampering more than jehadi commotion.

I am worried about the reservation for OBC’s in educational institutions including IITs and IIMs. Not that I am against the welfare of this socially challenged sect but I do feel that merit should be that sole criterion to reach to a high level as this. I can’t think of a situation of being treated by a doctor who managed to get the degree because of favors but does not have the adequate knowledge to tackle the disease. Dreadful!

I am worried about the confusions going on in the selection of the Indian cricket team for the World Cup. With Sehwag and Kaif not playing well at the moment but still being kept in the team, I am only wondering that why is it so that Sourav Ganguly is not given a chance to be back in the Indian team after performing consistently so well at the domestic level? A man with more than 10000 ODI runs and other credentials defy my logic to be disqualified.

I am worried about a lot more things: the nasty violence in Bangalore due to the death of the veteran actor and an icon Dr. Rajkumar, the growing water problem in the country and the Naxalite menace in the Eastern and the North Eastern states. Its high time that something is done to find out solutions to my worries and writing them down and making you all aware of them was my first step towards it. Jai Hind!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

An unusual day

All of you there must know this, a very eventful day in my life. I had always wanted to witness such high on drama stuff but never really got any chance to do. But today was a different day. First a little bit of a recap.

As all the regular readers of my blog must have come to know by now that my exams are going on. And as I am a very poor mugger, so it's not really my cup of tea to score marks at the post grads level, as what is basically asked in the examination are three to four page long proofs of theorems which need to crammed to be presented in the same manner. I always end up giving new proofs to the theorems being asked and since the examiners are very particular about the proofs being from their notes only, so I end up scoring just mediocre marks. Initially it used to bother me, bother me big time. But then I tried to self-introspect and I found that it's okay. These exams are not a test of my intelligence but a test of my endurance. So I have started taking them in my stride. Unfazed about the marks I will score , I just aim at clearing my concepts and face every examination by giving my 'on the spot' proofs for them. Today was no exception. I had just prepared the basic definitions and a few theorems. When I got the question paper, hell broke on me when I realized that even the few theorems that I had done were not asked. So that means the whole paper had to be answered with my manufactured proofs. But I was mentally prepared so did not take me long to swallow the lump of pain and embarrassment.

But to my sheer surprise and relief, just when I had directed my brain for the proof construction work, I heard a commotion in the class. My class consists of a strength of almost 70 students with only 5 to 6 male students (mostly effeminate). So now suddenly the whole examination room was full with the shrill and high-pitched female voices. On inquiring what is wrong with everybody as I was oblivion to what was happening around, I came to know that the whole paper is out of course. Oh is it? I didn't even realize that. Now you can very well imagine what was my level of preparation. But I knew that I can attend the paper as I had the shield of writing on my own and was no more bothered that I won't be awarded marks for my innovation. But who cared, least did I, but others did. They had been struggling during the last 5 days preparation leave for the paper to cram the entire bundle of notes that is getting passed through generations. And good for me that it mattered them.

The girls were bold, pretty bold I must say. I was quiet much because as I had not studied at all for the paper and was for ready for just anything. But I wanted to go by the majority, infact not even a majority, the whole class was united, so I wanted to go by unity. Everybody got up from their seats and were near the gate to walk out but they weren't allowed to move out. Our Head of the Department(HOD) came in rusing. He was made to hear comments he would not have even imagined. I was amazed to see the level of guts in my fellow mates. One smart female took the responsilbilty to present the case. Here is how it goes:

HOD: What the hell is it going on here? Do you even realize that it's an examination and a decorum should be maintained. Just behave yourself and stop shouting. All of you go back to your seats. I will expel you all otherwise.

Girl: Sir, you the seniormost teacher in the department and we all have a lot of respect for you. But we are already in such a great trauma and instead of listening to our woes you are scolding us and threatening us. Enough is enough and we won't resect you if you did so ( She just missed that gone are the days when the teacher used to do anything to keep his respect untainted, anyways at least she said something).

HOD: So what is it that you want? I cannot call-off the examination. You have to take it, so just write what all you know.

Girl: We do not know anything in the paper and we want that you call our subject teacher. We can prove that the whole question paper is untaught to us.

HOD: The teacher has already been informed and he will be here in an hour.

He leaves the room.

In the meanwhile the smarter few are trying to coax the cowards like me to take a stand and stage a walk out, though I was not thoroughly convinced that it is going to work, still respecting unity I got up from my seat.

Suddenly the HOD enters again with the teacher (with sleepy eyes and disheveled hair, as if he is some Einstein who has been interrupted in his invention).

Girls in unison: Sir, what is it? We have not done anything that is being asked in the paper. You need to do something.

Teacher: Oh the paper seems to ask questions which I had planned to do in the last ten days but could not do as nobody turned up.

Girls: But that is not our fault. We don't know, it's not in our course.

One very smart girl: Sir, just tell us one thing, how many in the question paper can you answer?

We all clapped and hooted at the gutsy question as we all were unsure about his intellects.

Teacher exits, embarrassed.

HOD: Okay, see this way nothing is going to happen, what I will suggest you is that just write the paper with all that you can do. And after the paper, stage a demonstration and I assure you with all my integrity that actions will be taken that will be beneficial for all of you. It's a gentleman's promise.

Girls began settling back to their seats. I was already settled. Everybody started writing and soon the atmosphere was all silent, the silence that follows a riot.

After the examination got over, an application was signed by some 250 odd students of Masters in my University demanding a re-examination or a lenient checking for the paper.

I hope that some action is taken though I have full doubts on my HOD keeping the gentleman's promise... shhhhhh.... Let us just wait and watch!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Kaun Kehta hain...



Kaun Kehta hain ki hum pyar nahi karte?
woh baat aur hai ki hum izhaar nahi karte,
woh pyar hi kya jo shabdo mein bayaan ho sake...
use dayero mein bandhne ki hum khata nahi karte
Kaun Kehta hain ki hum pyar nahi karte?

Pyar bhari hum mithi-mithi batein nahi karte,
unki bahon mein bahein hum daala nahi karte,
woh hamari khamoshi ko gar samajh na sake...
to thope hue pyar par hum vishwaas nahi karte
Kaun Kehta hain ki hum pyar nahi karte?

Unki pareshaaniyon mein hum ek pal chaien nahi karte,
saath jeene-marne ke hum mushkil vayede nahi karte,
woh isme hamari majboori ko gar samajh na sake...
phir hum virah mein jalte hain, mila nahi karte
Kaun Kehta hain ki hum pyar nahi karte?

Ek doosre ko jaane bina hum pyar nahi karte,
aur ek baar jaan liya to dobara vichaar nahi karte,
woh itne samay mein hume gar samajh na sake...
sharto ke adhaar par hum pyar ka vyapaar nahi karte
Kaun Kehta hain ki hum pyar nahi karte?



Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My brother, Anuj

As a five year old kid I stand by the side of the maternity bed. My mother just gifted me with a brother. So small, cute and vulnerable. She tells me to pick him up, I don't. I am utterly scared even by the idea of it, what if he falls off my hand... I cannot hurt him. She says I just stood there and kept staring for long. And then when I came back to my senses, I was jumping around with ecstasy, completely oblivious of the fact that it was my birthday that day (something that a kid of five will never forget). Yes, that's the biggest coincidence, we both share the same birthday.

So, my brother, Anuj was there in shape. A premature birth, he was quite weak initially. Maa had strongly directed never to hurt him as that can be detrimental to his health. So I never did that. We just grew up together. He, like many other kids, started speaking quite late. Had various gestures for what he wanted to convey which more than my mother I could understand. I could understand all that he wanted to say with his little fingers and big mesmeric eyes. He was my darling. He gradually started learning to speak, more from me than anybody else in the family. And the tragedy he used to speak exactly the way I used to speak which we did not realize for quite a long time. Tragedy coz he started using verbs as jaati hun and khaati hun instead of the masculine form of it viz. jaata hun and khaata hun. So we had to unlearn him those words and then I had to speak jaata hun and khaata hun so that he picks up the correct form.

He was a very reluctant school- goer. Unlike me who used to get up very early all pepped to go to the school he used to be dragged out of bed. And my mother used to have a tough time getting him dressed. Once she got so pissed-off that she just took him out of the bed and handed him to the School-bus driver with his uniforms and asked him to dress him up in the bus. Embarrassing, least for him but most for me, my brother going like that to the school. I childishly hid my face by a book wishing that it rubs the truth for a day that the half-naked boy in the bus is my brother.

Then as time passed he managed to like the schools he went in. But for both us more than our school life it was our family life that we have enjoyed. We used to have fights every evening, part of playing actually. He used to instigate me to fight by snatching away the book I was reading or by seizing the pen I was writing with. Fights were the best ways for passing time for him as I was never the outdoor- games- types. Homework escaped. And I too used to enjoy it. Bed with the sheets totally destroyed, pillows squeezed and and the cushions hiding themselves to save a historic death. And then amidst all this din and bustle we suddenly heard maa's foot-steps on the stairs approaching us... Baboo tighten the sheet, didi hand me the pillows, baboo do that , didi do this, we used to go crazy cleaning up the hour long mess in a jiffy. And when she finally came in she found me studying and Anuj pretending to be studying for long (hurriedly taking up the book I was reading).

I cannot forget the numerous bets we made with the prize being a kiss to the winner by the looser. The number of kisses (ranging from 2 to 5 to 10 occasionally) used to vary depending on the level of difficulty of the bet. And getting a kiss was considered more royal then giving one so we used to die to be the winner. Most of the times I used to loose though.

How can I forget that I had taught him the dance on the hit song of those days...jaati hun main, jaldi hai kya with he being the girl and I being the guy. Such loons we both were, gosh!! And the hundred times we have played ranna-baati (Bengali name for the game that you play with your dolls and prepare food and stuff for them). I then used to don the role of a proper housewife who used to teach the kids (dolls) and Anuj too and prepare food for them. Anuj used to get the vegetables from the market and used to go to the school religiously (queer enough) in that game as I guess he believed that the dolls would follow his foot-steps.

And if I did something deserving a thrash and Maa is shouting and beating me for it then I remember him crying for me and if she scolded him or hit him by any chance then I used to go and protect him. We have cried for each other. We have waited for each other to have evenings when we can have Maggi together on the terrace. And have waited for many more such precious times.
Bhai I miss you like hell here. I know those days cannot come back and all that I will get to spend with you now are mere short-vacations but then I am happy that I am blessed with a brother like you. All the fun and frolic we had together, I have written them down so that our kids get to read what their parents were as kids (God I feel so amma-ish ).

Friday, March 24, 2006

What's in my name?

While reading the other blogs I found this wonderful link that analyses your name. This is the result for my name.

"Big" is the word that best describes these people. They talk big, dream big, and unconsciously give others an impression of themselves that is often larger than life. Their heart is big but they must be sure their generosity is not motivated by an impulse to impress. Their extreme idealism, combined with their material and political interests, causes them to exaggerate their own importance. Their desire to serve life in some way is quite sincere. Their business and personal interests are always imbued with the thought of service. They are aware and interested in the events of the community, both politically and socially, and desire to be involved. As organizers they can be quite magnanimous. While they have a wealth complex and desire to be financially independent, the balance of the whole name determines their degree of success. This influence is not deep or intellectual.


Their idealism governs their thoughts more on the level of theory than practical reality. This is not to say that their business dealings are not practical. They have an astute and shrewd mind for making money, but even then they must be cautious of letting their idealism carry them into unsound propositions. If there is too much imbalance, their talk belies their intentions. They will attempt to give the impression of knowing far more than they actually do. They have a confidence and a bravado that isn't always followed through with action. As leaders they are good-natured and helpful. They love their family and friends, and are good providers. At times their generosity can exceed their pocketbook, while at other times they can be quite stingy with their money, accounting for every penny. They enjoy the good things of life and are not past putting on a little show regarding their wealth and possessions.


They have a charitable nature, but it does not come from the depths of profound compassion. They are materialists first, and their religious convictions and affiliations take second place. They prefer to give in a big way to organizations or charities than in a more person-to-person manner. For the most part these people are quite pleasant, helpful and good-hearted, but it is the combination of influences in these names that prevents a real depth of mind. Even in love they cannot plumb the depths of another's soul to arouse an appropriate response. They may desire to go deeply into a romance with the opposite sex, but mental or spiritual intimacy is difficult for them. In consequence their lack of romance is replaced by a need for sexual completion which expresses primarily through the physical body. These people have poise, confidence and a worldly outlook on life. Their main interests lie in the fields of business and politics. They are forever dreaming of a better way of life. They are mostly armchair politicians who firmly believe their political idealism could change the world. They love good food and drink, and indulgence could be a weakness.


Try out this link to find out how your name describes you!!!

http://www.just-think-it.com/sbnname.htm

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Ten things that make me go ummm...

There are two things that I simply love doing- sleeping and eating. Though I don't look as if I fancy both these things as they leave a clear impression physically if loved! I defy love for sleep as my friends say that I got 'bedroom eyes' (which I guess means droopy eyes signifying sleeplessness) and I defy love for food as I am tall and fairly slim (got cheek muscles like Malaika Arora that accumulate into lumps under your eye while smiling). So may be I should put it that though I love sleeping and eating good food but I don't get to do them quite often. Still let me compile what I look forward to hog whenever I get a chance...

1: An unlimited purely vegetarian thaali at Food Unlimited at the outer circle of Connaught Place (CP).

2: Chacha de hatti ke chhole bhature, almost at the entrance of Kamla Nagar (K- Nags), the nearest hang-out place for the University of Delhi (DU) North campus crowd.

3: Rawa Dosa at Dwarka, in the bada gol-chakkar of K-Nags.

4: Chinese, especially momos, at Momo's Point, K-Nags.

5: Bhel-puri from the thela- wala outside my college, St. Stephen's, DU.

6: Papdi- chaat and aalu- chaat from any place recommended by my friend at Chandni Chowk (CC).

7: Mishti Doi from the Mother Diary outlet at Chhatra Marg, DU (reminds me of home actually).

8: Blue-berry mousse and chocolate tart from Wengers at the inner circle of CP.

9: Mc Donalds Soft Serve Ice-cream.

10: Baskin and Robbins Butter Scotch Ice-cream.

Can think of only these right now. Now guess what?? I am going out to treat myself with atleast any one from the list. Ummmm.....

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Attachments

Internals just got over, now mains coming up so just thought that before I get busy again doing the useless stuff of committing and vomiting let me write down what is bothering me these days... More than exams its the fact that my course is getting over.

In this 2+10+2+3+2 = 19 years of my educational career in my life span of 21 years, I have been to lots of institutions, don't be amazed to know that its the 8th institution I am in now. Change has been my way of life. Moving to different schools and making new friends is what I have been doing since I read out the first few alphabets. Since I had my schooling in a small town of West Bengal so education in English medium was quite challenging and due to unavailability of local schools with complete set of classes, I went to wherever I could. And then graduation and post-graduation from two different colleges in Delhi.

But in this very adventurous journey, I never remember to have felt even low (forget about shedding tears) in any of the farewells that I got. I used to rather look forward to the change of place, change of teachers and change of friends (hardly had any though). But the last two years have been quite different. The difference I probably realize now. Attachments *ahh*. Though I don't think that I am attached to this place, rather am quite bored of it and desperately look forward for a change of surrounding. The attachment is with the person who has been integral in my life for the last two years. Unconditional, non-demanding, consistent and very patient in his dealings with me. I am a person who is driven by rigid principles, ruled by moods and temperaments and swayed by emotions and he has never been fretful and merrily taking it all. Commendable I must say.

So for the first time I feel there is something that is holding me back. Alas, when I felt like reciprocating, I am bidding adieu. Woh kya kehte hai, mera bad luck hi kharab hai. To top it all, he is supportive that I move out to better places (though whenever he says so, he instinctively bites his lips). And when I agree to this adding that yes "Life moves on", he furiously rejects it saying that it doesn't move on naturally, we painfully put in efforts to make it move on.

Well so I am pained at the thought of burying my attachment and moving on in life. Move on I have to, but what I can promise is a commitment of being true to my attachment always.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Doses of Inspiration

In a span of two days I got two solid doses of inspiration... Yesterday afternoon I watched Iqbal on Set Max. I know I am quite late in doing so but now that I have done it I feel a great sense of achievement. The movie has a very positive note which exuberates immense zeal to take on any challenge in life however tough it may be, without any hitch.

Shreyas Talpade was just awesome in the the role of an 18 year old deaf and dumb who can only hear the sounds of passion. Initially I found him cute, then I found him matured and during the end I started finding him hot too. His sweet little specky sister Shweta Prasad took my heart away. I had been a fan of Nagesh Kukunoor after the watching the movie Teen Deewarein and Iqbal only added to my craze for him. So innocent and genuine. The movie did not let me sympathise with Iqbal at any point, rather every frame of it oozed out so much of confidence and determination that at the end of it I was all pepped up to take on the world. The background score Aashayein added to the feel good factor.

And the second dose of inspiration was when I read in today's newspaper about the tremendously incredible win of South Africa over Australia. Chasing an unreachably high total of 434, South Africa without conceeding defeat at any moment moved on to win it making 438 with one ball still to spare... marvellous!!

So okay, now you must have understood how restless I must be feeling now as if I can do wonders overnight. Well if not overnight but then definitely someday. Faith and a positive attitude during our tough times can help us overcome it with quite an ease. Nothing is impossible and no dream is too far to be out of reach. We can make our passions come true if we accompany them with the right vision and hard work. No more lecturing now, the countdown to success has begun.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Mine is bigger-II

Met Simran again today. A very changed Simran. Though now if I say that she was drastically different from the last meeting, knowing that just 40 days have passed since then, then I will be dangering myself by falling in the category of a Bollywood script-writer. No intentions for doing that. This is a column for truth and little imaginations though pure and earnest.

Well Simran was much better in the sense that her dark circles that gave her the Devdasi look were no more there and she no more talked about ending her life. She was still on anti-depressants and I had my goosebumps alarmed when I saw her pitara of medicines... medicines that sedate you, that kill your thought process completely. I don't mind if she is dependent on them atleast if it is making her feel better.

Today I gave her a motive for her life. After talking to her I felt that she is clueless about what she is living for now. The motive of her life, the guy, is gone. But I made her realise that she should value her life and devote it for a bigger cause, the cause of being an Indian. She should make her life a testimonial for others and help others who too have ruined their lives for such crooked guys who do not deserve even the remotest thoughts. That she should again go back to work and make herself independent. She is free from all bindings now and her personal experience will help her better to understand others in pain and if she can save even a single life from falling in a similar pitfall, then she will definitely find the meaning of her existence.

After seeing a positive improvement from the last time, I am hopeful that this counselling will help her in the right direction and that our country will get a gem in Simran who will add to the social cause and create a better environment to breadth in.

Friday, March 10, 2006

A drizzling day

Its drizzling outside, a perfect weather for all those dating these days. Some how I really have a fascination for the months of February and March as these two are the only months in the year when I crave for a proper date.

A perfect outing in some lonely place with the person who loves me... the sun half set, the clouds still and grey, the birds perching softly, the winds hissing through, the leaves swinging by, the drizzle wetting my eyelashes only to the extent needed and the person of my life in my eyes. As the wind blows by leaving behind a rythm, he picks it up to sing a lovely song for me. (Don't worry even if you are a bad singer... your date won't mind it as the air around won't let her mind, worst probably will be that she will laugh her heart out but then that too does the trick for you, doesn't it?)

And then with the song we talk, I would like to talk about each others lives but he stupidly talks about Bush's and Musharraf's lives, I want to hear him praising me but he is on about the pleasant weather around, I want him to click my photograph but he is busy showing his neighbouring aunts photographs, I want him to tell me how important I am to his life but he is busy telling me about what his mom made in the morning for breakfast, I want to walk slowly with him but he walks so fast that I need to run to keep pace, I want to stop for a breadth and for a cup of coffee to be shared between us but he merrily orders two glasses of juice instead, and so after experiencing all this I just want to get back home and he asks me if I can manage on my own?

Loving somebody is very natural and easy but expressing it is very difficult. Even if there is such a propelling and congenial surrounding as described above still it's tough. So I need to wait for the next Feb-March to make the man of my life speak his heart out and to experience the kind of date that I want to.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Happy Women's Day

I am a woman viz a wom(+b-b)an viz a womb-ban viz banned from being in the womb!! Well that is the first thought which comes to my mind as I think of being a woman. Female feoticide is my concern and I am really fortunate to have been allowed to breadth in this world. Though the problems which my birth has posed to me are many but that does not take away my right to fight them. I am confident to overcome them successfully and that on this day every year I will add a a new feather on my cap which will make me prouder of being a woman.

So wishing my mother, the wonderful lady who fought for my existence on this Earth and made me the way I am today and all the other women who are fighting for their existence a Very Happy Women's Day...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Examination Blues

Again the time of the year which gives me a severe head- ache accompanied by a mild fever..Egg a min ation(as if you are to boil an egg in a minute:)) . How can a two hour or even a three hour exam be a yardstick to judge your intelligence?? *Phew*...its rather a test of your level of endurance. But yes the institutions with high and very high cut-offs are the real pain in the ass...not for me though as I am out of that nerve-wrecking stage of a few marks deciding your future but for my younger brother who is just about to enter this life-changing and hyper-tensive stage of life. I pity him and I pity myself when every night on the phone I remind him that bhai marks are important so study well. I don't have any doubts about his intelligence as I know he can outsmart any of those geeks in his class but the problem with him is that he hates cramming or studying from scoring marks point of view. So he needs to be reminded again and again about the rat- race for marks.

Where has our ancient system of studying for values, knowledge, happiness and personal enrichment gone? At that time a first division scorer used to be garlanded in public and those who used to speak knowledge and sense used to be considered highly educated without even having a college degree. And the scene now is that if you are not a 90 per center you are looked down as if your existence is worse than that of a timid rat, no matter even if you don't have the basic common senses! *Sigh*... It utterly puts me off when I see dumbos as toppers.

Its very important to learn things and not cram them, important to understand them and not memorize them, important to feel them and not see them. Very few understand such subtleties and those who understand them are generally not able to outshine themselves in the short- run as their no-sense peers over-shadow them. And those who understand and are still able to become pioneers, hats off to them.

Well so never form an impression by somebody's academic credentials... and even if you do, make sure that you make him speak as a cuckoo and a crow can only be distinguished once they sing.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Calling for a change

Sorry for being away for so long from the blogosphere. I had gone back to my home town to take a whiff of fresh air, a desperate change that I needed from everything that I am doing out here. Though saying a sorry does not mean that I am pledging to be regular as my exams are on my head... something which has been my cause of concern since I have taken up post-graduation in Mathematics. I am a part of a premiere university of the country...a place I had aspired to be at. Out of school, college was real fun in the initial years...everything seemed adventurous and mesmerising until I started questioning the prudence of things. I don't aim to play any blame game through this but would only like to share what I strongly feel about.

I had accepted the way things were placed to me during my graduation days in Mathematics. It is rightly said that "Ignorance is bliss" as I was ignorant and hence totally contended with the way things were happening around me. But life cannot be that merry always unless you pledge to remain ignorant throughout. As I took up my Master's in Mathematics I started moving out and meeting people, seeing things the way other veterans in my field were seeing it, reading more and more and not to forget keeping my ears and eyes open all the time (which were shut until I was enjoying everything).

I suddenly realised how badly things around me need to change...an overhaul change in the system is the need of the hour. Everybody resists change. Nobody wants to make any efforts to change what has been happening since years...all are now used to it...they eat the same thing, they walk the same thing, they talk the same thing and they sleep the same thing. I wouldn't have minded so much had this 'they' included only my peer groups but unfortunately it includes teachers and the system administrators too.

Talking a bit of the changes I think are urgently needed.

a) Agreed that in graduation level the student is required to be aware of every aspect of the subject so the course should be more extensive than being in depth, but what is surprising is that even at the Master's level the students are asked to take up subjects they don't wish to pursue at all further. Unlike in the Western Universities where you can actually design your own course here we are asked to study the options which had been framed a decade or two ago keeping in mind the interests of the students of that time. Don't the changing scene around us make it mandatory to restructure the course and provide what is aspired by the students of the present decade?

b) The examination is aimed to test the memorising abilities of a student more than the problem solving abilities. For heaven's sake this is Mathematics...I fail to understand how can somebody put the same set of question papers year after year without any alteration whatsoever? Does it at all judge the thinking ability of the student who is already aware of the type of questions that will be posed in the examination? What do you think that a student coming out of such a system will contribute to the Mathematical fraternity? Does it not reflect the the unwillingness in the part of the question setter to actually invest a little bit of time and make the question paper a bit more problematic than just posing the same theorems year after year? May be you would like to argue that it is a university for the masses and not everybody can cope up with the pressures and challenges that such question papers threat to pose. Well I would counter argue by reasoning that at least try and adopt this in the internal examination so that students get to screw their brains somewhere or make the question paper a bit more flexible so as to accommodate both the category of students.

A student who has taken a Master's degree programme in Mathematics generally opts for either teaching and imparting what has been gained in these five years or takes up research to gain further knowledge. In both the scenes it is important to weapon the student with reasoning skills which is at least expected form a premiere university I am in.

Well to end it just like to say that when you start questioning things you definitely loose out a bit as you are unable to give in your hundred percent to it then, possibly that's the reason for my drop from a topper to a 70 per center, but I don't think I should to mind that, at least I dare to question what is wrong and not accept it the way it is served to me. Any takers??