Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My brother, Anuj

As a five year old kid I stand by the side of the maternity bed. My mother just gifted me with a brother. So small, cute and vulnerable. She tells me to pick him up, I don't. I am utterly scared even by the idea of it, what if he falls off my hand... I cannot hurt him. She says I just stood there and kept staring for long. And then when I came back to my senses, I was jumping around with ecstasy, completely oblivious of the fact that it was my birthday that day (something that a kid of five will never forget). Yes, that's the biggest coincidence, we both share the same birthday.

So, my brother, Anuj was there in shape. A premature birth, he was quite weak initially. Maa had strongly directed never to hurt him as that can be detrimental to his health. So I never did that. We just grew up together. He, like many other kids, started speaking quite late. Had various gestures for what he wanted to convey which more than my mother I could understand. I could understand all that he wanted to say with his little fingers and big mesmeric eyes. He was my darling. He gradually started learning to speak, more from me than anybody else in the family. And the tragedy he used to speak exactly the way I used to speak which we did not realize for quite a long time. Tragedy coz he started using verbs as jaati hun and khaati hun instead of the masculine form of it viz. jaata hun and khaata hun. So we had to unlearn him those words and then I had to speak jaata hun and khaata hun so that he picks up the correct form.

He was a very reluctant school- goer. Unlike me who used to get up very early all pepped to go to the school he used to be dragged out of bed. And my mother used to have a tough time getting him dressed. Once she got so pissed-off that she just took him out of the bed and handed him to the School-bus driver with his uniforms and asked him to dress him up in the bus. Embarrassing, least for him but most for me, my brother going like that to the school. I childishly hid my face by a book wishing that it rubs the truth for a day that the half-naked boy in the bus is my brother.

Then as time passed he managed to like the schools he went in. But for both us more than our school life it was our family life that we have enjoyed. We used to have fights every evening, part of playing actually. He used to instigate me to fight by snatching away the book I was reading or by seizing the pen I was writing with. Fights were the best ways for passing time for him as I was never the outdoor- games- types. Homework escaped. And I too used to enjoy it. Bed with the sheets totally destroyed, pillows squeezed and and the cushions hiding themselves to save a historic death. And then amidst all this din and bustle we suddenly heard maa's foot-steps on the stairs approaching us... Baboo tighten the sheet, didi hand me the pillows, baboo do that , didi do this, we used to go crazy cleaning up the hour long mess in a jiffy. And when she finally came in she found me studying and Anuj pretending to be studying for long (hurriedly taking up the book I was reading).

I cannot forget the numerous bets we made with the prize being a kiss to the winner by the looser. The number of kisses (ranging from 2 to 5 to 10 occasionally) used to vary depending on the level of difficulty of the bet. And getting a kiss was considered more royal then giving one so we used to die to be the winner. Most of the times I used to loose though.

How can I forget that I had taught him the dance on the hit song of those days...jaati hun main, jaldi hai kya with he being the girl and I being the guy. Such loons we both were, gosh!! And the hundred times we have played ranna-baati (Bengali name for the game that you play with your dolls and prepare food and stuff for them). I then used to don the role of a proper housewife who used to teach the kids (dolls) and Anuj too and prepare food for them. Anuj used to get the vegetables from the market and used to go to the school religiously (queer enough) in that game as I guess he believed that the dolls would follow his foot-steps.

And if I did something deserving a thrash and Maa is shouting and beating me for it then I remember him crying for me and if she scolded him or hit him by any chance then I used to go and protect him. We have cried for each other. We have waited for each other to have evenings when we can have Maggi together on the terrace. And have waited for many more such precious times.
Bhai I miss you like hell here. I know those days cannot come back and all that I will get to spend with you now are mere short-vacations but then I am happy that I am blessed with a brother like you. All the fun and frolic we had together, I have written them down so that our kids get to read what their parents were as kids (God I feel so amma-ish ).

Friday, March 24, 2006

What's in my name?

While reading the other blogs I found this wonderful link that analyses your name. This is the result for my name.

"Big" is the word that best describes these people. They talk big, dream big, and unconsciously give others an impression of themselves that is often larger than life. Their heart is big but they must be sure their generosity is not motivated by an impulse to impress. Their extreme idealism, combined with their material and political interests, causes them to exaggerate their own importance. Their desire to serve life in some way is quite sincere. Their business and personal interests are always imbued with the thought of service. They are aware and interested in the events of the community, both politically and socially, and desire to be involved. As organizers they can be quite magnanimous. While they have a wealth complex and desire to be financially independent, the balance of the whole name determines their degree of success. This influence is not deep or intellectual.


Their idealism governs their thoughts more on the level of theory than practical reality. This is not to say that their business dealings are not practical. They have an astute and shrewd mind for making money, but even then they must be cautious of letting their idealism carry them into unsound propositions. If there is too much imbalance, their talk belies their intentions. They will attempt to give the impression of knowing far more than they actually do. They have a confidence and a bravado that isn't always followed through with action. As leaders they are good-natured and helpful. They love their family and friends, and are good providers. At times their generosity can exceed their pocketbook, while at other times they can be quite stingy with their money, accounting for every penny. They enjoy the good things of life and are not past putting on a little show regarding their wealth and possessions.


They have a charitable nature, but it does not come from the depths of profound compassion. They are materialists first, and their religious convictions and affiliations take second place. They prefer to give in a big way to organizations or charities than in a more person-to-person manner. For the most part these people are quite pleasant, helpful and good-hearted, but it is the combination of influences in these names that prevents a real depth of mind. Even in love they cannot plumb the depths of another's soul to arouse an appropriate response. They may desire to go deeply into a romance with the opposite sex, but mental or spiritual intimacy is difficult for them. In consequence their lack of romance is replaced by a need for sexual completion which expresses primarily through the physical body. These people have poise, confidence and a worldly outlook on life. Their main interests lie in the fields of business and politics. They are forever dreaming of a better way of life. They are mostly armchair politicians who firmly believe their political idealism could change the world. They love good food and drink, and indulgence could be a weakness.


Try out this link to find out how your name describes you!!!

http://www.just-think-it.com/sbnname.htm

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Ten things that make me go ummm...

There are two things that I simply love doing- sleeping and eating. Though I don't look as if I fancy both these things as they leave a clear impression physically if loved! I defy love for sleep as my friends say that I got 'bedroom eyes' (which I guess means droopy eyes signifying sleeplessness) and I defy love for food as I am tall and fairly slim (got cheek muscles like Malaika Arora that accumulate into lumps under your eye while smiling). So may be I should put it that though I love sleeping and eating good food but I don't get to do them quite often. Still let me compile what I look forward to hog whenever I get a chance...

1: An unlimited purely vegetarian thaali at Food Unlimited at the outer circle of Connaught Place (CP).

2: Chacha de hatti ke chhole bhature, almost at the entrance of Kamla Nagar (K- Nags), the nearest hang-out place for the University of Delhi (DU) North campus crowd.

3: Rawa Dosa at Dwarka, in the bada gol-chakkar of K-Nags.

4: Chinese, especially momos, at Momo's Point, K-Nags.

5: Bhel-puri from the thela- wala outside my college, St. Stephen's, DU.

6: Papdi- chaat and aalu- chaat from any place recommended by my friend at Chandni Chowk (CC).

7: Mishti Doi from the Mother Diary outlet at Chhatra Marg, DU (reminds me of home actually).

8: Blue-berry mousse and chocolate tart from Wengers at the inner circle of CP.

9: Mc Donalds Soft Serve Ice-cream.

10: Baskin and Robbins Butter Scotch Ice-cream.

Can think of only these right now. Now guess what?? I am going out to treat myself with atleast any one from the list. Ummmm.....

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Attachments

Internals just got over, now mains coming up so just thought that before I get busy again doing the useless stuff of committing and vomiting let me write down what is bothering me these days... More than exams its the fact that my course is getting over.

In this 2+10+2+3+2 = 19 years of my educational career in my life span of 21 years, I have been to lots of institutions, don't be amazed to know that its the 8th institution I am in now. Change has been my way of life. Moving to different schools and making new friends is what I have been doing since I read out the first few alphabets. Since I had my schooling in a small town of West Bengal so education in English medium was quite challenging and due to unavailability of local schools with complete set of classes, I went to wherever I could. And then graduation and post-graduation from two different colleges in Delhi.

But in this very adventurous journey, I never remember to have felt even low (forget about shedding tears) in any of the farewells that I got. I used to rather look forward to the change of place, change of teachers and change of friends (hardly had any though). But the last two years have been quite different. The difference I probably realize now. Attachments *ahh*. Though I don't think that I am attached to this place, rather am quite bored of it and desperately look forward for a change of surrounding. The attachment is with the person who has been integral in my life for the last two years. Unconditional, non-demanding, consistent and very patient in his dealings with me. I am a person who is driven by rigid principles, ruled by moods and temperaments and swayed by emotions and he has never been fretful and merrily taking it all. Commendable I must say.

So for the first time I feel there is something that is holding me back. Alas, when I felt like reciprocating, I am bidding adieu. Woh kya kehte hai, mera bad luck hi kharab hai. To top it all, he is supportive that I move out to better places (though whenever he says so, he instinctively bites his lips). And when I agree to this adding that yes "Life moves on", he furiously rejects it saying that it doesn't move on naturally, we painfully put in efforts to make it move on.

Well so I am pained at the thought of burying my attachment and moving on in life. Move on I have to, but what I can promise is a commitment of being true to my attachment always.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Doses of Inspiration

In a span of two days I got two solid doses of inspiration... Yesterday afternoon I watched Iqbal on Set Max. I know I am quite late in doing so but now that I have done it I feel a great sense of achievement. The movie has a very positive note which exuberates immense zeal to take on any challenge in life however tough it may be, without any hitch.

Shreyas Talpade was just awesome in the the role of an 18 year old deaf and dumb who can only hear the sounds of passion. Initially I found him cute, then I found him matured and during the end I started finding him hot too. His sweet little specky sister Shweta Prasad took my heart away. I had been a fan of Nagesh Kukunoor after the watching the movie Teen Deewarein and Iqbal only added to my craze for him. So innocent and genuine. The movie did not let me sympathise with Iqbal at any point, rather every frame of it oozed out so much of confidence and determination that at the end of it I was all pepped up to take on the world. The background score Aashayein added to the feel good factor.

And the second dose of inspiration was when I read in today's newspaper about the tremendously incredible win of South Africa over Australia. Chasing an unreachably high total of 434, South Africa without conceeding defeat at any moment moved on to win it making 438 with one ball still to spare... marvellous!!

So okay, now you must have understood how restless I must be feeling now as if I can do wonders overnight. Well if not overnight but then definitely someday. Faith and a positive attitude during our tough times can help us overcome it with quite an ease. Nothing is impossible and no dream is too far to be out of reach. We can make our passions come true if we accompany them with the right vision and hard work. No more lecturing now, the countdown to success has begun.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Mine is bigger-II

Met Simran again today. A very changed Simran. Though now if I say that she was drastically different from the last meeting, knowing that just 40 days have passed since then, then I will be dangering myself by falling in the category of a Bollywood script-writer. No intentions for doing that. This is a column for truth and little imaginations though pure and earnest.

Well Simran was much better in the sense that her dark circles that gave her the Devdasi look were no more there and she no more talked about ending her life. She was still on anti-depressants and I had my goosebumps alarmed when I saw her pitara of medicines... medicines that sedate you, that kill your thought process completely. I don't mind if she is dependent on them atleast if it is making her feel better.

Today I gave her a motive for her life. After talking to her I felt that she is clueless about what she is living for now. The motive of her life, the guy, is gone. But I made her realise that she should value her life and devote it for a bigger cause, the cause of being an Indian. She should make her life a testimonial for others and help others who too have ruined their lives for such crooked guys who do not deserve even the remotest thoughts. That she should again go back to work and make herself independent. She is free from all bindings now and her personal experience will help her better to understand others in pain and if she can save even a single life from falling in a similar pitfall, then she will definitely find the meaning of her existence.

After seeing a positive improvement from the last time, I am hopeful that this counselling will help her in the right direction and that our country will get a gem in Simran who will add to the social cause and create a better environment to breadth in.

Friday, March 10, 2006

A drizzling day

Its drizzling outside, a perfect weather for all those dating these days. Some how I really have a fascination for the months of February and March as these two are the only months in the year when I crave for a proper date.

A perfect outing in some lonely place with the person who loves me... the sun half set, the clouds still and grey, the birds perching softly, the winds hissing through, the leaves swinging by, the drizzle wetting my eyelashes only to the extent needed and the person of my life in my eyes. As the wind blows by leaving behind a rythm, he picks it up to sing a lovely song for me. (Don't worry even if you are a bad singer... your date won't mind it as the air around won't let her mind, worst probably will be that she will laugh her heart out but then that too does the trick for you, doesn't it?)

And then with the song we talk, I would like to talk about each others lives but he stupidly talks about Bush's and Musharraf's lives, I want to hear him praising me but he is on about the pleasant weather around, I want him to click my photograph but he is busy showing his neighbouring aunts photographs, I want him to tell me how important I am to his life but he is busy telling me about what his mom made in the morning for breakfast, I want to walk slowly with him but he walks so fast that I need to run to keep pace, I want to stop for a breadth and for a cup of coffee to be shared between us but he merrily orders two glasses of juice instead, and so after experiencing all this I just want to get back home and he asks me if I can manage on my own?

Loving somebody is very natural and easy but expressing it is very difficult. Even if there is such a propelling and congenial surrounding as described above still it's tough. So I need to wait for the next Feb-March to make the man of my life speak his heart out and to experience the kind of date that I want to.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Happy Women's Day

I am a woman viz a wom(+b-b)an viz a womb-ban viz banned from being in the womb!! Well that is the first thought which comes to my mind as I think of being a woman. Female feoticide is my concern and I am really fortunate to have been allowed to breadth in this world. Though the problems which my birth has posed to me are many but that does not take away my right to fight them. I am confident to overcome them successfully and that on this day every year I will add a a new feather on my cap which will make me prouder of being a woman.

So wishing my mother, the wonderful lady who fought for my existence on this Earth and made me the way I am today and all the other women who are fighting for their existence a Very Happy Women's Day...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Examination Blues

Again the time of the year which gives me a severe head- ache accompanied by a mild fever..Egg a min ation(as if you are to boil an egg in a minute:)) . How can a two hour or even a three hour exam be a yardstick to judge your intelligence?? *Phew*...its rather a test of your level of endurance. But yes the institutions with high and very high cut-offs are the real pain in the ass...not for me though as I am out of that nerve-wrecking stage of a few marks deciding your future but for my younger brother who is just about to enter this life-changing and hyper-tensive stage of life. I pity him and I pity myself when every night on the phone I remind him that bhai marks are important so study well. I don't have any doubts about his intelligence as I know he can outsmart any of those geeks in his class but the problem with him is that he hates cramming or studying from scoring marks point of view. So he needs to be reminded again and again about the rat- race for marks.

Where has our ancient system of studying for values, knowledge, happiness and personal enrichment gone? At that time a first division scorer used to be garlanded in public and those who used to speak knowledge and sense used to be considered highly educated without even having a college degree. And the scene now is that if you are not a 90 per center you are looked down as if your existence is worse than that of a timid rat, no matter even if you don't have the basic common senses! *Sigh*... It utterly puts me off when I see dumbos as toppers.

Its very important to learn things and not cram them, important to understand them and not memorize them, important to feel them and not see them. Very few understand such subtleties and those who understand them are generally not able to outshine themselves in the short- run as their no-sense peers over-shadow them. And those who understand and are still able to become pioneers, hats off to them.

Well so never form an impression by somebody's academic credentials... and even if you do, make sure that you make him speak as a cuckoo and a crow can only be distinguished once they sing.