Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Attachments

Internals just got over, now mains coming up so just thought that before I get busy again doing the useless stuff of committing and vomiting let me write down what is bothering me these days... More than exams its the fact that my course is getting over.

In this 2+10+2+3+2 = 19 years of my educational career in my life span of 21 years, I have been to lots of institutions, don't be amazed to know that its the 8th institution I am in now. Change has been my way of life. Moving to different schools and making new friends is what I have been doing since I read out the first few alphabets. Since I had my schooling in a small town of West Bengal so education in English medium was quite challenging and due to unavailability of local schools with complete set of classes, I went to wherever I could. And then graduation and post-graduation from two different colleges in Delhi.

But in this very adventurous journey, I never remember to have felt even low (forget about shedding tears) in any of the farewells that I got. I used to rather look forward to the change of place, change of teachers and change of friends (hardly had any though). But the last two years have been quite different. The difference I probably realize now. Attachments *ahh*. Though I don't think that I am attached to this place, rather am quite bored of it and desperately look forward for a change of surrounding. The attachment is with the person who has been integral in my life for the last two years. Unconditional, non-demanding, consistent and very patient in his dealings with me. I am a person who is driven by rigid principles, ruled by moods and temperaments and swayed by emotions and he has never been fretful and merrily taking it all. Commendable I must say.

So for the first time I feel there is something that is holding me back. Alas, when I felt like reciprocating, I am bidding adieu. Woh kya kehte hai, mera bad luck hi kharab hai. To top it all, he is supportive that I move out to better places (though whenever he says so, he instinctively bites his lips). And when I agree to this adding that yes "Life moves on", he furiously rejects it saying that it doesn't move on naturally, we painfully put in efforts to make it move on.

Well so I am pained at the thought of burying my attachment and moving on in life. Move on I have to, but what I can promise is a commitment of being true to my attachment always.

5 comments:

Ashish Gupta said...

:|
'coz you've philosophically/spiritually/emotionally grown the most in small time!


// "Move on I have to"

Why? do you really have to?
(and I do NOT mean physically!)


PS: reminds me of one such parting.

Ashish Gupta said...

its like rarely in life we come across something/someone which would bind us so dearly and its better when its a mutual feeling!

well whatever you decide you are mature enough to.... blah blah blah.

just be good & do good.

Niedhie said...

Thanks Ashish.

Well I gotta think on your questions before replying. Need some time to do so. Thanks for the concern. I will keep in mind what you said before finally deciding on something.

Anonymous said...

hmmm....finally you spoke it out...and when I meet you, you also talk about your mehndi lagane wali didi in Bengal! hope you got it....

Niedhie said...

Yes, Mr. Anonymous I got it, and I had to speak it out before it got too late to do so.