Monday, May 15, 2006

Love reserved

In the midst of dreams and hopes, I get up every morning reminding myself that I am here to change the world. I am here to bring about a revolution, a revolution in which we will question our existence every day. What have we given back to the society for the air we inhale and the water we use to survive? And amidst this struggle of constant questioning, something good happened to me rather unnoticingly, I became a post-graduate today (yes results not out yet, but I hope to pass my exams). Graduation and then a post-graduation in Mathematics- Feels good!!

It seems like yesterday that I was standing in the queue to fill up the form to enroll myself for the post-graduate course, the interview for the same is just so fresh! But two years passed by since then. I no longer get to attend the formal day to day classes, meeting friends and the canteen gossips while bunking the classes. I no longer get to rush for the 2 pm movie show coming out of the back door of the classroom, just because the teacher in the class bothers to teach the black board more than looking into the students. I will miss the annual department trips which used to be such great fun. Last year we had gone to Shimla and we were lucky to find huge snowfall there. I made friend of my life in that trip. Nostalgic indeed.

The feeling of completing college and becoming just another unemployed youth (till I decide what I want to do next i.e continue studying or look for a job) is nauseating. Even after a grilling post-graduation in a subject like Mathematics, there is no instant guarantee of a job. One needs to employ whatever tactics one can just to get an ad-hoc or a guest lecturer in some college, forget about a permanent post as for that the eligibility has shot up to a PhD. The competition has increased manifold so the criterion to shortlist people has become more and more stringent. And while I engage myself in this tough fight, it will be really disheartening and demoralizing for me if my fellow OBC friend gets a cake-walk entry into the post of a permanent lecturer! Undoubtedly we both have slogged hard to complete our post-graduation and now why will she be given this preference while I am left to continue with my slogging? I feel that I am more socially challenged than her and don't see any reason to give her advantage at this stage.

We all need to struggle in our lives, and the challenge lies in overcoming our limitations and come out shining. There are no short-cuts to success then why a concessional entry to her, while I am still trying to find out the right gate. So my call- reservations for all!

I will miss my friends. They always complain that I have never told them if they are at all important for me, so let me tell it here. Pals you are very special for me. Your untainted support has helped to achieve all that I have till date and I need your love and care in future too. I am not very expressive in confessing my love, as I believe that the best feelings are those which do not have words to describe them. I can never write what you all mean to me. So just a promise that I will do all that I can do for you in my life. I love you all and will miss you.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dreamz

How often do you dream? And what do you dream? Do you dream the same thing always or different things? Are the dreams in anyway related to your life ahead? If yes, how serious are you to make them come true? And then when you put in serious efforts and they don't go your way how do you feel? If you feel sad, how do you recover? Once recovered do you dare to dream it again? And then even if you collect courage to dream it again, are you able to move ahead to give in your hundred percent to it again forgetting about the failure in the first attempt?

I am bothered by these questions these days! Am trying to find their answers!