Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A crude confession

Well, I have a confession to make. A confession that might leave me in a bad light in front of many, but does not stop me from making it.

I love my parents, more than Karan Johar claims in his Its-all-about-loving-your-parents movies, and every time I am surprised to find out that what I think of them is not true in entirety. When I stepped into adolescence and it was time for me to find a partner for myself, without having heard this from them I had assumed that they would want to marry me off only in the same caste i.e with an Agarwal. So subconsciously I prepared myself that even I want to marry only a maru. You know when you put yourself into conditions, it is hardly that you allow any free flow of emotions. You channelize every action of yours towards fulfilling that condition.

Last weekend my mother called up to tell me that they want to start looking for a suitor for me. And she added that they do not want to only look for a maru as more than that what she is looking for in my match is a nice smart boy who is strong enough to take care of her daughter through everything that life has to offer and has a respectable position in the society. I was stunned, took me sometime to recollect myself. To confirm what I just heard I asked, "You mean you are okay with inter-caste?" Pat came the reply- "Why not? What made you ever think that after educating you so much, letting you live life the way you want to, sending you abroad for studies that I will have this constraint of caste in mind!" I was amazed, amazed to know how foolish I have been. Amazed to find out how little I knew my mother. Proud to have a mother like her, and ashamed to be myself.

Two thoughts sprang my mind soon after this incident. I am thinking about them since that day, trying to undo a few things I did in the past. First being talking to my best friend from college. We are best friends since the last 6 years now, she is also an Agarwal. Two years back she told me that she had committed herself to a Mallu guy knowing that her family would not approve of the relation. I was not excited to know it. North Indian- South Indian, I felt there was no match. And surely her family would disapprove. I never encouraged her, thinking that it was my duty as her best friend to express my honest opinion. But after this talk with my mom, I immediately contacted her. I begged pardon from her, for having not understood her when she most needed me. Found about how the guy was doing and told her to fearlessly go ahead with it, and that I am with her. Told her that even she may be just assuming like I did that her family may not approve of the relation. It all might turn out to be absolutely fine. "It was more important to marry somebody who perfectly understands you than to bother yourself about his caste"- we both agreed on it.

This post will not deal with the second thought that sprang my mind immediately after the conversation with mom. I am still trying to undo that, but then it is probably rightly said that there are no retakes in real life. I wish I had a reel life as well!

2 comments:

shravan said...

I have a good feeling I know what the second thought is. Conclusions and decisions made in the past truly cannot be reversed.

I wish my life had re-takes too.

Niedhie said...

Yes true indeed. All that one can do is confess their mistakes and say a sorry for them. I always forgive those who ask for, and it is always a good feeling to forgive, isn't it?!!