The kid in me

2007 started. Another year passed by silently, have grown older by an year, childhood seems to be slipping by. I want to stick to my childhood, don't want to grow old, don't want to face the complications that age brings with itself. A friend of mine couriered me a few CD's I had asked for, and to my pleasant surprise I found a few Eclairs in the envelope. This triggered back my childhood memories. I was not keeping well emotionally since a few days so those were to lift me up. The Eclairs reminded me of a childhood experience. When I was a school going kid, every evening when my father used to come back from work, he used to ask me to find out a coin (of any denomination). I used to keep it on his palm and he used to read some magic mantras upon which that coin used to turn into an Eclair. I used to be ecstatic at the magic played by papa and used to wait anxiously everyday for him to play it again. And one day I grew up, I grew up to realise that it was no magic, just a plain haath-ki-safai.

That day I was feeling happy on having grown up and to realise that papa was fooling me all throughout, but now I don't feel happy about it any longer. I wish I could have been a naive not to realise it ever. Papa would bring me chocolates forever and I would eat them with the same excitement everyday.

But probably now my father loves it this way. He would want that I get chocolates for him, it's time for him to enjoy and me to bring joys for him. He can't be the giver always, I too need to understand my responsibilties and take command of my life.

And that's how I have started my new year with- to make myself capable of taking charge of things. However much we may hate, but we need to accept it. And yes if only we don't forget the little girl in us eagerly waiting for a chocolate magic, life will remain joyful as every little thing would be sweet enough to make us happy.

So welcome 2007 with an open mind and don't ever let the kid in you die.

Greetings

Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year...

May God bless you with all that you ask for in the new year and remember if He does not then He has something better planned for you, so there is all the reason to celebrate life whatever be the situation!

So my message for the new year is "Just Live Life and Stay Happy"!!

"Sad Movie"

Last night I saw a Japanese (or may be Korean) movie named "Sad movie". I know the name sounds a little strange and instead of invoking sadness the first reactions were that of laughter at what the movie would possibly contain. But then as the movie carried itself, I too got carried away, started relating myself to one of the characters in the movie.

The movie started by introducing four different sets of characters and their lives. All the characters were neatly drawn and each had a message to give. One was about See and Young (names almost similar),deeply in love with each other but never been able to confess it. See works for a TV channel and she reads out news in the sign language that she has learnt from her sister who is dumb. Young works for a fire-station and perils his life everyday to save numerous lives from fire. They never propose each other, but still the love is palpable in every scene, it's intense yet unsaid! They see each other whenever possible and immensely care for each other. Before setting out of home, everyday See prays for the rains, as rains mean no fire and Young would be safe. Every time when See reads out a news of a fire somewhere, her heart sinks. The innocent and pure love they have for each other strikes an immediate chord with the viewer. You start wishing to see them settled, but some incidents do not let Young propose her. There are other characters too in the movie, but I was very influenced by this part of the story. Finally Young manages to get hold of a ring to propose her and decides to meet her that evening, but as destiny would have it, Young dies in the fire he goes to extinguish that day! Their love remained unspoken... And I cried in buckets at the last scene.

I know it is a very ordinary story, just tells us to confess our love before it gets too late. But isn't this very simple message ignored by most of us most often? Life is too short to wait for the right time to do things, if you love somebody tell her/him right away 'coz when you think would be the right time might just be too late!

Written after long!

I don't know why i just all of a sudden stopped writing, stopped it completely, so much so that I had also forgotten my blog entry password for a while... I was just not feeling like writing at all, just used to read other's blogs to update myself with the events of the blogosphere.

But now I again feel like writing, for I feel writing is the only way I can best relieve my tension, believe me with all these months of not writing anything there was no way I could vent my thoughts and imaginations, felt constricted and choked, but dint realize the reason for the same. But now I have, for an introvert like me writing is a weapon to make myself heard, and so without this I feel disillusioned.

Lots of things happened in all these days of keeping me away. A low- profiled person like me was pulled out of her den, and was requested repeatedly to lead a bastion! Pretty difficult and interesting I found the idea to be, but accepted it as a challenge. I am now the President of the Hostel Union. The higher authorities in the hostel felt that I am the only suited person for the post, a decision supported by the residents unanimously, and I for the first time realized that a shelled person like me too can be popular. I took charge and made my own team of people to work under me. Given the pressure of my research work, I chose my team immaculately, criterion being-people I am comfortable at a personal level and are ready to take up responsibilities!

The first event I was to organize was SPIC MACAY performance by Shri Margi Madhu, a famous Koodiyattam dancer. The arrangements were so good that even the artists could not believe that all that was for them, and kept on confirming it again and again, to our utter embarrassment.

It is good to lead, but I am always scared of being left "lonely at the top", so never wanted to take such a thing up. But then if posed with a challenge I have not learnt to retreat, so I am to prove that I can do this! And I will keep writing, about my success and failures, about my confusions and achievements...

A day I will remember

I have two walkman (now I don't know if I should write 'walkmen'!), in one of them there is both FM and audio casette player (but only the FM radio thing works) and so I keep the other one for listening to casettes and incidentally that doesnot have an FM so actually I need both of them.

I got my room painted today, the white wash was done a few days back and today the doors and the windows were painted. The guy who painted them is a 17 year old kid. I was just generally with chatting him and so asked him if he has been to a school ever. He proudly chuckled to say 'higher secondary fail'... he had got burnt on that Diwali before exams and his whole face was damaged for which he could not study well. And then when I asked him if he continued studying after he recovered, he said no, he got married. I was aghast! He got married when he was just 11, that means he is married for the past 6 years. His wife is 16 years old now. I scolded him for marrying so early, he said had he not eloped with her she would have been married to somebody else. I was taken aback and shouted '10 saal ki umra mein'. "Haan didji hamare wahan bahut chhoti umra mein shaadi ho jati hain". I started cribbing about our social system, though din't speak anything aloud. India shining but is it really?

After little bit of coaxing and making him comfortable to speak out more, he told me that he loves her like anything and can do anything for her. When he found out that she was being married to someone else, he decided to elope and never to return to his family as they had refused to accept her and so were her parents. He belongs to a village near Lucknow and has not gone back to his house there since marriage. I asked him if he had never contacted them since then and if he misses his parents. He replied in a melancholy tone that once his wife got too sick, he called up his parents to come to Delhi and look after her while he is out to work. But they just refused to talk to him properly, and he got no help from them. He told me "didiji, main us samay lagatar 10 din tak bhookha tha". He admitted her to the hospital and to earn for the expenses he used to work day in and day out and saved all that he could save for her. He din't sleep or eat so that he can get her cured. He admitted that it was a bit of his fault and bit hers that they din't take care proper care of their health and so she fell ill.

I liked the responsiblty he feels towards her. He earns 100 per day as a daily wage earner through painting, so that roughly makes it 3000 in a month if he gets work on all days in the month, he spends 1500 for ration, 500 for miscellaneous including entertainment and saves 1000 so that they can have a kid. They do not have any issue as yet (thankfully I thought).

I was touched by his story, his love for her seems so pure. He is not careless, at this small age of 17 he is more responsible and sensible than I am probably.

He was rueing that he has been looking for a music system for her, he had got one also in 200 bucks but it conked out too early. He asked me if I can get something for him till he is here in the hostel with this contrat, he said he will pay me for it. "Didiji aaplog jayenge to achcha maal dega jo jaldi kharab nahi hoga". I bursted out laughing. He had finished off painting my doors and windows and was about to leave.

I gave me the walkman I had with the audio casette player and said that I generally only listen to FM and so I don't need it that much and he can keep it. He asked me how much should he pay me for it. I smiled and told him "Nothing, it's for her from me! May God bless you!"

A new chapter in my life

A new chapter has just opened in my life... I have become a research scholar in Mathematics at the University of Delhi, Delhi. There may be a few yawns at the very idea of becoming just another researcher amidst hundred others aimless ones and a few smirks at joining DU without going for the branded IITs, but the words in bold hold a special significance for me. I have been dreaming research since the time I started eating on my own, it was the faith of my favorite English teacher in High school who expired last year that I will become a scholar, the subject that has been closest to my heart since my childhood is Mathematics and a lot of it is due to my teacher and guru since class eight, Delhi University is the place which can provide one the maximum exposure one can dream of in every respect (which IITs won't be able to in my case at least) and Delhi is the place where my friend C is. With the above explanation I justify my being here for research in Mathematics, though I honestly add that these explanations are something I have just formed, it was more due to destiny that I am here when I had all the plans to go somewhere else for my higher studies. So the case is dropped from further interrogation.

I had my ups and downs in life, with sometimes success and sometimes failures. I am the kind of person who has a very short term memory and so I tend to forget the pains I go through due to failures and even the happiness I enjoy as a result of success. I believe in taking each day as a new challenge and the world a stage where you have to constantly prove yourself. When a great batting genius like Sachin Tendulkar can be booed for a bad performance then what significance do I hold in others lives that they will keep a note of my past achievements if my present puts forward a gloomy picture of failures? In this journey through years of proving myself, given that I am staying away from my family, I have learnt to take failures in my stride; they are indispensable and inevitable for the forth coming success, so it's important to remain unfazed by them.

The strong support system that I have got from my family and friends is something worth mentioning. My parents are the world's greatest parents who have understood all my sentiments without me giving them words. I have been given the freedom to have independent thoughts and entrusted for my actions. My brothers V and A are my strengths. Friends V, P, G, S, S and D are those who are just there anytime in my life even without my putting in special efforts to stay in touch. A, A, A and R are my career and love counselors. It feels really special to have them around and more so when I acknowledge their presence once in a while!

I know I still have lots of things to do in life; life has just started unfolding itself though it is still not making much sense to me. I need to keep working hard and give something really nice to my parents who have been sacrificing so much for me. The support system I rely on is a special gift of God to me and I pray that God remains kind to me forever. May God bless you all!!!