Self-published book… Finally….

I have finally taken the big step one always wants to take but never sure of. Having read and re-read the book over and over again many times in the last few months, I finally decided it was time to take the next big step, i.e venture into self-publishing and get it published. Unless I take it out there, it will never take birth.

This is a story of a girl named Nandita, a small-town Indian girl whose journey of life is full of emotional upheavals as well as  achievements. Being inclined towards poetry, Nandita takes help of poetry to illustrate her emotions. The poems are written in Hindi as well as translated to English. The book outlines her journey that entails taking some tough decisions so that she can achieve her dreams and live her life on her own terms. 

I am quite keen on hearing from you on my book. Please do send me your feedback for which I will be utmost grateful. 

The book is available from Amazon by clicking the link below –

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B075HWZ3S3

Why do people resist change?

Isn’t monotony annoying? How can one be wearing the same kind of clothes everyday, eating similar food on a daily basis, doing the same thing from morning to night every day, talking about limited set of things all the time, meeting a handful of known people and going out to the same set of known places all through life?

Apparently for some people it’s the way of living their life. It’s how they have known life to be and they have no understanding or willingness to understand that it does not need to be this way. This confined limited world gives them the happiness they need and there is no need to explore beyond.

The above puzzles me. I wonder then why there is a different set of people who love to explore, who love to find out what’s more there life has to offer, who love trying out new clothes, new cuisines, meeting new people, learning about new languages and cultures, expanding their knowledge everyday maximising the usage of the wonderful thing called human brain.

Can we say that one set is better than the other? I definitely know that both the sets are required to create a balance on this resource limited planet that we live in, but at the same time I wonder why be born as a human being if there is no inquisitiveness to find out about new things, if there is no willingness to accept that treading on a journey may require you to change a few aspects of your life and may require you to be more open minded about new people, their food, their language and their culture.

The fundamental question I struggle to understand is resistance people normally have with the idea of any change. And sometimes the resistance is so strong that they don’t mind spending their entire lives in closed circuits of their comfort zone. Mind you here I am not talking about people who can’t afford to embark on journeys which can lead them to new experiences of life, my challenge is with those who don’t have the willingness to do so. Do they feel they have a purpose of living a human life? If yes, what is it?

Is human life really supposed to be linear with only a limited set of experiences as variables or is it a quadratic equation with ambitions and inquisitiveness to solve for?

What is the right way of living? According to Hindu holy text Bhagwat Geeta, Lord Krishna says that one’s way of living should be focused on their karma. He broadly defines the right karma based on the stage of life one is in – student, householder, retired and renunciation. The question is whether as a student I should only read my course books or be open to explore books which expand my knowledge further? As a householder should I limit my family outings only to the local area or if I can afford then should I put in efforts to show them around the world? As a retired person should I focus on giving up household responsibilities to sit at one place and meditate on God, or should I start taking up social work more seriously and work towards making the world a better place for my next generation? And finally during renunciation does the supreme lord want somebody who only did the same thing everyday and focused on attaining Him or somebody who lived a wealth of experience and left a legacy behind?

As I have been writing this, it has become clearer to me as to what is my way of living, hopefully it helps you decide yours too!

How to teach baby two languages at the same time

As a new parent one thought that made us quite nervous and eager was to imagine how our child would sound when they speak those first words. What would those words be and in which language. I remember a lot of our friends saying how in their experience they have tried teaching their child more than one language but ended up having to satisfy themselves with only English. No matter what they would do, the child just would not respond in any language other than English. I also heard theories of how it can get confusing for kids to pick up multiple languages at the same time. But really is there a bar on the number of languages a child can pick up? I doubt it.

I have myself grown up learning four different languages spoken in India! Hindi and English are languages spoken or understood in most parts of India, Bengali because I was born and brought up in Bengal (so the interactions with a taxi or a shopkeeper would have to be in Bengali) and finally Marwadi which is my mother tongue – we originally hail from a western Indian state called Rajasthan which has Marwadi as its language. Each of these languages I could read, write and speak very fluently. So did I get confused as I was growing up? Was I able to do it because I was an extra-ordinary child? Did my parents do anything so differently that it cannot be copied again? The answer to all these questions is No. However I wanted to make sure I can try it out on our toddler before concluding that the process works. So what is the mantra that can solve this puzzle?

It’s simple – provide the child the right amount of exposure to the languages you want them to pick up. In my case I had exposure to English at school (I educated from a school with English as the first language), my mother used to speak in Marwadi with me and she made my father speak in Hindi with me (in fact it has remained the case till date). I learnt Bengali from speaking to friends in the locality or playing with them. Therefore the guidance is simple. However the implementation is more difficult – especially when you live in western countries where the families are small and there is not much interaction with neighbours.

So the first aspect was for us to pick up the languages that we wanted our toddle to pick up. We chose Hindi and English only. The main reason is because these are the only two languages my husband knows out of the four I knew, so the most common ones we were going to use in our household. Our toddler started going to a day care when she turned one as joined back work after maternity leave. The day care was using English to communicate with her. So all we had to do was to ensure that we always, and I really mean always, speak in Hindi with her. Once she joined the day care and started speaking words, I remember days when she would be tempted to respond in English – as she was hearing that throughout the day and it was easier for her to explain in the same language as she has experienced it during the day. However I would not react to what she would tell me. I would instead add the following in Hindi – “Sorry I can’t understand what you are saying as I only understand Hindi”. She would realise what I said (although sometimes she would try again in English but without luck) and translate it in Hindi for me. There were few such instances before she realised that inside the house it is Hindi and outside the house it is English.

Now I have a toddler who can communicate in both the languages and I don’t see her confused at all. In fact she surprises us with the amount of words she knows in each language and translating it for us when she is looking through flash cards for animals, fruits and vegetables.

All in all, I believe that the fact that more languages can confuse children is a myth. In fact it is the exact opposite – it would actually make them more confident knowing that they can communicate to a wider audience!

Decision making in life

Why is life sometimes confusing? Why is life like a puzzle sometimes which you can't solve? Why is there no mobile app which you can just open and it will have solutions to daily dilemmas?

The problem is when you are ahead of the curve you want to ensure that you have accounted for all the permutations and combinations of possible situations that may arise in future. This means that you think a lot, you work out a lot of maths, you prolong your decision making. 

I am the kind of person who does not believe in regretting. I think one should think through their decisions in depth so that whatever they decide is the best for them given the circumstances. And if that's the case, there won't be any regrets in the hindsight as you know that you had no other better choice given those circumstances.

Also I am not the person who give themselves endless amount of time to arrive at a decision. I start becoming restless after a point. I am quite an opinionated and determined person from that perspective and therefore I don't like it when I struggle to take a decision. 

Also I have realised that as we grow older, taking decisions become more difficult. Not because your decision making abilities have reduced or anything, but because your life has become more intertwined with others and therefore any decision taken has more impact than earlier. The number of constraints to account for have increased and therefore it has become a complex optimisation problem, a solution for which is hard to deduce.

As I said earlier, if only there was an app which would take the question, ask you to feed into it all the constraints and considerations to make and then on pressing Solve button gives you the optimal solution and a series of sub-optimal solutions to choose from. This can be a useful second opinion from a third party who is not directly associated or emotionally attached to the decision being undertaken. Think about it!

With my toddler in India

My toddler is soon going to be 2 - "terrible two" I hear you say! Time has flown like a "rocket" - a word I discovered today she already knows whilst showing her a flash card with a picture of a rocket on it. She has grown up fast - learnt to speak even faster. Like every year, we spent the time between Christmas to well into middle of February in Indian amidst family. This long trip to back home once in a year is a much needed break that just helps to realign our axis and put us back into the zone. As I already mentioned in my previous article, this trip included holiday spent in the foothills of Govardhan parvat, and visits to Krishna janmabhoomi of Mathura and Vrindaban. Trip also included memorable experience to one of the seven wonders of the world - the Taj Mahal.

After this vacation lasting for 5 nights, we spent some family time with my in-laws in the wonderful town of Rishikesh. They showered love on their grand daughter to bits and spoilt her to extremes. However the good thing that happened before we went on the India trip was that she had already started speaking clearly all the words needed on a daily basis. Therefore, managing her had become much easier. Words like "apple", "ball", "water", "thirsty", "food", "sleepy time", "mumma come come", "poo-poo", "standing", "sitting", "slide" etc she could easily speak at 18 months. However the long India trip helped her to built a strong vocabulary in Hindi - so much so that we had the opposite problem by the time we reached London - she had forgotten pretty much everything in English and was able to form complete sentences in Hindi.

The reason she has been able to pick up learning two languages / numbers (1-10) / all basic shapes / all basic colours / alphabets (A-Z with a slight mess up around L to P) all by 21 months of age is because of her style of learning. She would repeat everything she hears multiple times. She would even repeat instructions given to her like "bring the ball" in whichever language before acting on them. Like a robot (as my mother calls her), she first repeats instructions given to her before executing them. And sometimes cleverly also declares her execution of those instructions with correctly amended verbs.

From Rishikesh we went to Delhi to attend a big fat Indian wedding. From dance to drama, from food to fanfare, from rituals to recitations, from creativity to lots of colours, from gorgeous to glittery, the wedding had everything. Toddlers have a way of having fun when they sense fun all around them. They only make fuss when they are bored. With a busy toddler who had lots of people attending her, she was having a blast. When toddlers are busy and active, they eat well, therefore sleep well, therefore play well, get tired and again sleep well - it's a cycle that is not vicious but desirable.

From Delhi we had a flight to catch to Guwahati to attend another wedding on the same day - now from my side of the family - son of my mother's sister. Whilst my toddler was not giving us any problems even after so much of travel, my husband's stomach left no stone unturned to trouble us. It was upset with all the rich food he had been eating. This meant that at the airport he was more attending toilets than us. And this resulted in the ultimate situation - we missed the flight!

It was the morning of 21st of January at Delhi airport that we were supposed to catch the Air India flight to Guwahati departing at 10.15 am. We had hardly slept the night before as we left the wedding past mid-night to reach out hotel for packing. We left for airport quite early, conscious enough that we did not want to miss the flight with a tired toddler. At 8.35am we took our boarding passes. However amidst attempting to feed her breakfast and my husband's frequent toilet trips, somehow we only reached the boarding gate at 10.00am. We had not had any breakfast ourselves, not even a drink. At the boarding gate, the duty manager - a lady whose appearance was rude and condescending to say the least - without even bothering to look at us stated that our flight had already departed. "How could the flight depart at 10 when it's supposed to depart at 10.15?", we asked collecting our breath. It obviously had not departed as we could see the aircraft and she was on the walkie-talkie asking the ground staff to locate our luggage and de-plane them. They had found one of the two suitcases and she was screaming at them for not being able to find the second one. We told her nicely - "Ma'am we realise that we are 5 mins late. Please understand that we have not eaten anything since morning and did not delay willingly. The time you are spending in de-planing our bags, you could instead use that to board us into the aircraft." Obviously she did not listen to us and had made up her mind. She left the counter to physically go down herself and search for our second bag. After spending a few minutes talking to other staff, who were realised were all junior to her and therefore had no powers to over-rule her decision, we were left with no option but to come out of security and reach the airline's baggage check in counter again. The idea was to get a new ticket for a later flight issued.

However God and luck was on our side that day. Our mistake was honest and genuine. So when close to Air India's counter I decided to first go and talk to the Air India supervisor in an attempt to see if anything could be done. The frequency of flights to Guwahati from Delhi is very limited, and the wedding we were due to attend in Guwahati would be missed if we boarded any later flight. Due to that lady's insistence to de-plane our luggage, that aircraft had missed their 10.15 take off slot. Additionally, due to the dry run happening for Republic day celebrations on 26th Jan, the run way had been temporarily shut down until 12. I gently told the supervisor - "Sir, we are travelling with a toddler, have had nothing to eat since morning. The aircraft we were due to fly in has still not taken off. Your duty manager at the gate was rude and unfair to us. I hope you can help us by sending us back on the same aircraft". He spoke to her in front of us and asked her to take us back into the same aircraft. He issued us with new boarding passes and asked us to rush back to the same gate. By this time the dry run had finished and the flight was ready to take off. It finally took off at 11.30 am - with us of course - as was supposed to be the case!

It was a short visit to Guwahati but one which left imprints for years to come. The amount of love you can sometimes feel from relatives you have not met in a while make you realise that although we have now more ways to stay connected, we are actually less connected than before!

We returned to United Kingdom with a toddler who was not only spoilt for choices but also one who was used to staying busy with all the attention showered on her. This plus the cold weather of February made the settling back into routined life quite fun and challenging!

The Taj Mahal - An Ode to Magnificence

If one word can describe the Taj Mahal, that would be Magnificent.

Like every eager traveller visiting Taj, one of the seven wonders of the world, was a prized opportunity, something that I was looking forward to very excitedly. Although unlike other fellow travellers who would probably wake up early in the morning to catch a glimpse of the Taj in the early morning orange sunlight, I chose to visit the Taj like an ordinary tourist on an ordinary day (30/12/15) at an ordinary time (1pm).

The visit to the Taj was part of a 5 day tour of the neighbouring areas devoured with Krishna bhakti - Vrindaban, Mathura, Gokul, Nand Gaon, Barsana and Govardhan. We stayed at Shree Radhe Vasundhara Resort in Govardhan. It's a collection of luxury cottages all beautifully designed located at the foothills of Govardhan parvat - slightly outside though from the main towns of Vrindaban and Mathura. The stay was amazing and few places like Nidhi van in Vrindaban and Tatiya Sthan in Mathura were dipping in Radhe Krishna bhakti.

Amidst this backdrop, the visit to Taj felt like a pilgrimage to a temple which epitomises love and separation in the modern world - a story that resonates closely with the life with Krishna and Radha.

From the car park to the Taj entrance, the journey was made on the back of a camel - already an excitement for my 19 month old who had only seen camels in books thus far. Right at the car park, we hired a photographer and a tour guide - both to stay with us for the entire part of the journey clicking memorable pictures and imparting valuable knowledge about its history.

As I queued to enter the Royal Gate, it was that feeling of impatience which made it impossible to wait anymore to see how the first glimpse of Taj would feel. I started conjuring up permutations and combinations of all possible feelings concluding the analysis with two outcomes - it will either be a total wow coupled with a sudden gush of immense love for my life partner or a complete disaster concluding it as being overrated by the worldly people.

The moment came when I was standing facing the Taj - my mind just went blank. All that I had conjured up had disappeared and the only word that seemed to have remained in my vocabulary was Magnificient. I stood there spell bound - in the slight misty afternoon, the white Taj stood brilliantly unfazed by the 80 thousand people that visited it that day.

Although we did enter the Taj like any ordinary tourist, we did not exit it alike. Inside the Taj whilst we were admiring it's beauty from the sides (yet to have entered the actual tomb), we met a few people responsible for Taj's security. Their work mainly starts when all tourists are gone and the premises have been vacated. Therefore they had some time to get into a chat with us.
 
Chats with these security personnel ranged a wide variety of topics - politics, corruption, history, religion etc. We all just simply enjoyed the conversations and kept it going - whilst obviously our tour guide kept nudging us to go. The memories of these conversations will stay with us for a long time to come.

The visit to the insides of the Tomb actually makes you appreciate the magnificence of the Taj. The stones embellished are real gem stones. The marble used is a special Sungmarmar - white transparent marble which is quite expensive and rarely available these days. On throwing light at them, the light passes through these stones and lit them up. To see a building as huge as Taj built using a stone as expensive as that leaves you agasht at the amount of wealth India had at some point. The Mughal invasions and later on the British rule left India weak and poor.

Taj reminds you of the grand Indian history. It is a celebration of the magnificient country India was - the golden bird as one poet rightly called it.

Cockroach Theory - by Sundar Pichai

I normally don't post something written / spoken by somebody else in my blog. But just read the below on Facebook and it struck an immediate chord. Cannot be better said than this -

Cockroach Theory 
A beautiful speech by Sundar Pichai - an IIT-MIT Alumnus :
The cockroach theory for self development

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.

She started screaming out of fear.

With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but ...it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.

When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those people to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach, that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:

I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of.

A beautiful way to understand............LIFE.

Person who is HAPPY is not because Everything is RIGHT in his Life..

He is HAPPY because his Attitude towards Everything in his Life is Right..!!

A stranger to my toddler

This post is dedicated to a friend of mine who inspired me to write again, to write a lot, to write to express myself, to write because at least he cares to read!

It has been a while (two years he reminds me) that we had not met. However even though we were meeting after such a long time, it did not feel even a bit formal. With a cranky 18 month old (who did not have her afternoon nap), I was all preoccupied trying to satisfy her high demands for attention. To make matters worse, she did not look immediately comfortable with him being around – stranger anxiety. She was seeing him for the first time, occupying her personal space – her home. He figured out the trick to make her comfortable around him is to ignore her, not give her the attention which upon getting she reacts with a bad “dry cry” as his girlfriend remarked! He instead played beautiful synthesiser for her without looking directly into her eyes. She would stare at him from the corner of her eyes admiring him for the beautiful music, but then he had not done enough yet for her to openly give a nod of acceptance.

We spoke about a gamut of things. It is so amazing to see that even after such a long time we could just talk about a wide range of things with great élan – be it the IS, the somehow-managing-to-come-together Greek economy, of course my writing which he has become a fan of, babies and work-life balance, their career and plans ahead, dreams and aspirations and the upcoming holiday plans. Really so much packed into the less than a couple of hours they stayed at our place along with a not-so-happy toddler around. Just shows how much we are in sync with each other to be able to fit in that much content.

People often say that birds of the same feather flock together. However, here is an example where we belong to completely different cultures arising out of completely different geographies – in every sense – appearance, food, language, faith. What binds us is the fact that we are just human beings who are good natured with strong values. We are mentally on the same platform which means that we could be done with talking about topics within minutes. I don’t get this level of comfort even when talking to many people of my own herd. There is so much of talk about radicalism in this world where we are reaching out to kill others because they don't belong to our herd, but then the question is how far does it have to go before it ends. For now the criteria is religion, tomorrow the criteria will be attire, language, food, dreams, everything. Are we only going to stop when we all become robots - exact replicas of each other with no brains to have any divergence of thoughts. At that stage the only way to end ourselves will be to press the self-destruct button on our robotic motherboards. 

I don't want to live behind such a world for my daughter to grow up into. I want her to feel even more comfortable than me mixing with people from different backgrounds, different lineages. The only way to a successful livelihood is by having the openness in your heart and mind and appreciation for everybody. We may have our favourites, but that should purely be based on compatibility of thoughts - not on the basis of parameters that humans have created, including religion. 

By the end of the almost two hours, the friend was no more a strange to my daughter - but somebody she was comfortable to share her toys with. I am sure she would love to meet him the next time he shows up, including being keen to show him her keyboard skills!

Life Moves On for Zara

I know Zara since childhood. She has been a coy girl blushing out at every small remark about anything related to her. She is a nice person who is completely in love with human kind in general, and she can never harm anybody. The motto of her life has been to bring smiles to as many faces as possible. She loves the small little things in life, she loves playing around with her younger brother, and she enjoys playing the doll game with me. We have grown up together, so I know her each emotion, her each unspoken gesture so well by now. If she ever falls in love with a guy, I am sure she does not need to tell me that, I will be able to read her.

And thats what I have recently come to know. Looking at her facial expressions when I spotted her with a guy last evening, I was certain that she was madly in love with him. He seemed to be one of those decent guys, those take-home-to-mumma kind of guy. So I felt quite happy for her. But then all that seems to be glittering is not gold. There are complications in human emotions. She is totally in love with the guy, but doesn't seeem to be too comfortable telling him how she feels about him.There is something that stops her from being that intimate and comfortable with him. She told me all these after a lot of pestering yesterday late in the night when she was in my house for the usual after-dinner talks that we share! She tried to conceal it as much as she could but then I finally had my way. There is something we share between us that compels us not to lie to each other. We know each other's secrets. Secrets we would never dare telling the world (including our parents) but to only each other. 

She told me everything about her feeling for this guy. Obviously I knew about her meeting him in college a couple of years back and of the general conversations she had with him. But I did not anticipate for it to have gone this far. All those chit-chats always just gave me a feeling that they are classmates and that he is a decent boy who just loves talking. Lot of girls in the class seemed to have a liking for him. He was academically very bright and enjoyed spending time talking to girls during breaks between classes. I was shocked to see my dear friend to have fallen for him so badly - just through those small break time conversations! But the fact that she took two long years to decide if it was actually love or just infatuation, meant that I needed to consider the situation quite seriously.

She opened up to me to reveal that those break time conversations had also at times gone to the extent of going for movies on days when the teachers did not turn up or classes were sparse. Although they would go for such movies as a gang which would include other girls and Zara being one of them. She would spend most of her time watching him over the shoulder of the girl sitting next to him instead of the movie. The joy on his face, the smiles and laughter coming from him would make her enjoy the movie. She also revealed how once on way back from the movies to the college, they struggled to find a cab. They all had to walk down and she walked behind him with another girl. They were all chit-chatting, but her thoughts were fixated on moving between checking out the sides of his eyes and his well-shaped buts.

As Zara was telling me each  and every detail of his love for him - all I could see was how her infatuation towards him was gradually turning into an obsession. She was getting pulled into him like a magnet, whilst I felt that probably he had no idea about all this. Yesterday when for the first time I saw them together outside an ice-cream parlour, what I missed out on seeing was that the other girls who would also hang out together with the two of them were inside the parlour getting their ice-creams. Zara did not want one and the guy was the first one to get his so they both were outside waiting for the others to join. However, whilst the guy was busy attacking his ice-cream, I noticed Zara's eyes staring his lips and his tongue coming out to lick the cream. Their was a faint smile on her face, a happiness coming from standing so close to him. This whole setting of the two of them together, smile on Zara's face, him enjoying the ice-cream, painted a picture that they were a couple - although it was in reality far from that. I confronted Zara with the direct question of whether she had spoken to him about how she felt about him. As anticipated Zara replied in the negative.

Obviously as a friend I want to help Zara, so I could not possibly tell her how stupid she has turned herself into. I had a plan instead - a plan to help Zara confess her one sided love to him. A plan for him to hopefully fall in love with her too. This story will be continued here... as Zara's life moves on...

Journey of being a working mother

We recently went on a trip to Blackpool. This has to be one of the most memorable trips I have had so far. The first proper trip on our own with our new born who is soon going to be all of 15 months. Really time has flown so quickly that I have lost track of what all it entailed. The last clear memories are of the last day at work with the cake, the speeches and the card with lots of scribbles wishing good luck. And the uneasy feeling of what is there to come. After I said good bye to work to embark on a new journey of motherhood - life has been on a roller coaster ride, memories of which are now gradually fading already. Just within a week of bidding adieu to work, I delivered a little princess.

As seamless and joyful were the 9 months of pregnancy, my delivery was equally straightforward. Obviously at that time it did feel like the most arduous experience, one I vouched I will never tread on again. But with the passage of time and having heard of other more painful stories, my discomfort seemed minimalistic. My life was getting filled up with the joyous feeling of being a mother. The first three months are the toughest in terms of raising a child. From being someone who learnt everything from how to hold a baby to changing nappies in an antenatal class, I was gradually becoming a mother - one who knows how to breast feed, is able to understand and differentiate between the various baby cries, make baby burp and wee and poo, sooth her to sleep etc. It is hard work, but unlike corporate hard work where rewards are quantified at the end of the year, nature of reward here is quite different - instantaneous gratification felt at an emotional level.

The 6 months following the most difficult first 3 months were very easy - I went back to India to my parents with my new born and had the comforts and support of family back home. These 6 months flew as if in 6 hours - one of the best periods of my life. My mother was taking care of my daughter and I was taking care of the rest - which included getting 2 hours of body massage every day, getting involved and sorting out any teething issues in my father's business, renovating the house to prepare for my brother's wedding and finally actually attending the Indian wedding. It had everything I could have wished for. Before coming back to London, we decided to go for a short trip to the south of India, covering Chennai, Vellore and Pondicherry. Although exciting in its own way, it was a good lesson on how to take care of a baby on our own. This was the first time we were on our own with our 9 month old daughter and don't think we did a very good job. She fell sick, she became very weak as we did not feed her enough and was taking strong antibiotics. So much so that when my mother saw my daughter only for a night before leaving India to come to London, she got too worried about how frail she had become. In a night, whatever she could, she did to bring my daughter back to normal - this included giving her something to eat every hour or so. We just had not done a good job with regards to her food.

Coming back to London with a 9 month old with the experience and lesson learnt from the Chennai trip meant that we were better prepared and did not take anything for granted. After some initial hiccups I managed to find an amazing child minder who helped us out with taking her regular care. We started very gradually, a couple of hours initially going up to a full day in her 11th month. Once settled in with her, I started exploring joining back to work. I did not want any sudden changes in lifestyle - either for my daughter or for myself. Therefore getting back to work was also in a phased manner including moving my daughter away from breastfeeding to bottle feeding. I wanted to make sure that she was more independent and that I could trust somebody to take care of her when I am at work.

Life since then has been quite routined. She goes to the childminder Mondays to Thursdays and I take Fridays off (a clever tactic I used to not use up all my maternity leaves in one go, but spread them over throughout the year by taking a day off in the week and spending with the little one). Going back to work has been a brilliant feeling after a long hiatus. New and increased challenges have kept me busy so far. I have a busy day at work and busy evenings at home with the little one. I do sometimes miss not having the me-time, but then when I see the smile on her face for no reason or an un-demanded hug from her, all such wants disappear and I feel like spending each and every moment of my conscious self with her.

A decimated legacy

A synonym for decimation these days would be the Congress party in India. Whether it be the national parliamentary elections or the State level assembly elections, Congress is shrinking quicker than comprehensible. Dynasty stuck sycophants do not even realise that their Gandhi obsession is only going to take the party further downhill. Indian voters now demand quality in their leaders, they are looking for fellows who can mobilise masses, lead them, talk to them and act on their requirements. I have always liked Rahul Gandhi - more because of his looks than his political skills though. However these days I look at him and "women emancipation" (from the interview on Times Now with Arnab Goswami) comes to my mind. I don't think Congress will go anywhere if they continue with their obsession with him. Give him a break, let him contemplate, learn the skills needed in this trade and come into it with sharpened weaponry.

For now, the only person who manages to keep the Congress hopes alive in my mind is Shashi Tharoor. I like his demeanour, his oratory skills. Keeping aside the issues surrounding his personal life, Shashi Tharoor has the credibility to become an important personality in Congress. To my mind he is the last hope for the survival of this sinking ship. However, Congressmen look in no mood to shop around - their street starts and ends at the Gandhi house. I will just wait and watch to see how the party revives itself!

India is going to change forever

What a historic moment it has been today! After my last blog post on 30th Dec 2013 when I was feeling at an all time high with the success of a new political party promising on anti-corruption, I had gradually thereafter started feeling disillusioned witnessing the events that followed. As somebody who watches Indian politics closely because I care about the direction India is heading towards, AAP's confused strategies and mindlessness on how only after 49 days of governing Delhi they decided to call it off, I did not know what to hang on to. Thankfully this feeling did not last too long as very soon after this Narendra Modi's rigorous campaign as the BJP's prime-ministerial candidate started. He promised Indian youths like me what we had been waiting to hear - a promise of a strong and stable government in India which will bring change on all fronts. The 10 years of Congress led UPA rule had left India at a disadvantaged position. Whilst in 2004 when they took power there was a real chance of India and China moving head to head with enormous double digit growth rates, in 2014, we heard the Indian finance minister talking about gaining a double digit growth rate somewhere in 2037. That's how far behind we had suddenly fallen in 10 years of the rule, engulfed with corruption charges.

With the tasteless AAP experience although I have become sceptical on how much the Modi led BJP government will deliver, but I am certainly not prepared to give up hope yet. I believe this is a good turning point for Indian democracy - something that the 1.3 billion Indians badly deserved all these years but were denied. The huge victory of BJP turning out to be the largest party claiming majority of parliamentary seats needed to form the government on its own speaks volumes about the campaign that Modi led. He based it on real issues facing the people - governance, anti-corruption, controlling inflation being his main agenda. His resume showing 12 years of rule over Gujarat as a successful Chief Minister added credibility to his claims which voters provided their support to. Motto of "minimum government, maximum governance" that Modi preached was welcomed by one and all and specially the business community.

These past few months have been very eventful and whilst I had quite a lot of opportunity to focus on some personal life changing events, these elections managed to take all my attention instead. I am glad all my attention did not go waste as the outcome today made it all worth it!

Ab Aayega Parivartan - AAP

The new craze in the market is that of AAP. I am sure if not anything else the sale of jhadoos (broomsticks) must have shot up significantly resulting in cleaner (at least literally if not figuratively yet) neighborhoods. I am very optimistic about the possibility AAP brings to the Indian political equation. Their stupendous victory in Delhi assembly elections is an evidence of a changing India, resulting out of mass uprising on increased awareness against corruption and black money.

The 2014 national elections will definitely be fought against this backdrop and probably for the first time in election history more points will be earned on how honestly the elections are fought rather than the free bounties or boozes which had started deciding election outcomes.

AAP for me represents the beginning of a change or parivartan and have just spiced up the dynamics of Indian politics...

The Great Indian Democracy

The beauty with which Indian democracy just reinvented itself is going to go down the history pages as transformational. For long Indians were so convinced that they had in them the 'chalta-hai' (let's-just--move-on) attitude so deeply embedded, that it was unbelievable to anybody that somebody could come up and challenge this in just a span of 12 months. Instead of choosing to sit on the fence and criticize the 'system' for any failings (which we did so often that it had become our second nature), one man with the help of a strong group of like minded people decided to get hands dirty instead. The 'aam aadmi party' (AAP) truly stands for being a party of the people, by the people and for the people. In only 12 months of its existence, it used all the unconventional ways of connecting with people (unconventional as they had been long forgotten by the established parties) and made a huge impact. They communicated their election agenda clearly, went into the homes of people and connected, raised donation for election through transparent means, brought honest candidates with clear records to contest etc. The beauty of Indian democracy is that the people of Delhi (the national capital from where this party fought elections) showed overwhelming support - so much so that they completely uprooted the incumbent government (Congress) and have given a touch fight to the single majority party emerging from the state (BJP).

Now the problem is that the ideological differences between AAP, Congress and BJP are so great that no coalition can be formed. Working as a minority government is neither BJP's nor AAP's preference and they want to sit on the opposition instead. It looks like there will be presidential rule and a reelection, but I ask if the situation is going to be any different then? I suspect we will still be in a deadlock situation post reelections purely because these three parties will again get seats which will not easily form a pure majority and bring forward a similar question.

I think some sense should now prevail and taxpayers money should not be wasted on a reelection. BJP with its stunning victory in the other three state elections of Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh and Chattishgarh have proven that it has people's mandate and should therefore proceed with government formation in Delhi. By 18th Dec the way forward will become clearer, but for now I just can't stop but feel proud on the whole turn of events. Having a multiple party structure democracy makes Indian democracy very versatile, vibrant, dynamic and unpredictable thereby making it very strong.

Waiting for a Change to Happen

Today (Saturday) has been a sluggish day... I redesigned a website I had been wanting to since some time... helped my brother with a business Modus Operandi write up (actually intention was to help, but ended up doing the whole thing myself), spent some time contemplating about life... and now waiting for the next change to happen in life.

I have never accepted monotonicity in life. Either by changing jobs or by changing houses I have kept my life dynamic and constantly challenged my comfort zone. Of late when both these things are seemingly becoming quite stable, last month I went and got myself a dynamic hair cut. This was at my usual hair salon and the hair dresser knowing my usual hair cut, just would not cut them the way I wanted this time. My demand was an extremely short bob cut with even shorter flakes in the front. I had in the recent past started keeping slightly below shoulder length hair, and for her this was such a drastic move. I was insistent and she had to bow down. I loved my new hair style, although the shorter flakes in the front are still having to be pinned up. It is quite irritating to have hair come onto eyes (a move I am slightly regretting, but obviously they will grow back soon). Anyways, my hair did draw all the attention at home and work and brought some freshness to my life.

The 2014 assembly elections in India have been catching my attention. Some time my heart beats so strongly in anticipation of what India is going through. The election temper is quite high and the incessant Modi attacks are not doing anybody any favours. I have always been in the favour of knowing who the prime-ministerial candidates are before the elections, and I congratulate BJP for having the courage to declare one. There is a learning phase for everyone, and clearly Modi too has some to do (specially some history lessons would be good). Change is always a good thing, I hope India has the willingness to accept it.

The episodes of Asharam Bapu and his son and the media overhaul on the more recent Tejpal story only make one thing clear to me - beware those who still continue to think of women as objects. India is no more tolerant to any abuses to women, however small. It is a country where women were considered as powerful Goddesses and the Indian media is playing a strong part in bringing back that glory. However, as women we also need to be play our part and not misuse this new power we have been bestowed upon by the democracy of India. I just hope all this turmoil changes the society for the better.

I am waiting for the next change to happen - in my life, in Indian politics and in Indian society.

happiness...

Popping bubble wrap, laughing at nothing, good hair days, playing a good song over and over, red wine, a book you can't put down, watching another stunning sunset.

Fresh air, everything in balance, the weekend, chocolate, flirting, watching a trashy feel good film.

Catching up with an old friend, a long hot shower, slow dancing, swimming in the rain, days off, your favourite jeans, lying on grass with the sun on your face.

Fridays, pay day, driving with the wind in your hair, walking on the beach, finding money, free stuff.

Meeting new people, the smell of rain, setting the clocks back an hour, the crunch of snow underfoot.

Walking barefoot on warm sandy beaches, climbing oak trees.

Getting lost, dunking biscuits in tea.

Your last clean t-shirt.

Just now I noticed the above text printed on my t-shirt that I have been wearing since ages. The text is printed such as to create a spiral depicting the circle of life. Really amazed to realise that before today I never paid any attention to read what was written on it. In life we keep ignoring the little things which can give us immense happiness and joy - like this small discovery that I just made. We complain about life without putting in efforts to feel the small pleasures that we are already surrounded with.

Look out for molecules of happiness, and in such pursuit you will find abundance of joy and serenity!!

The Lunch Box

Don't know how many of you have already seen this new Bollywood movie - The Lunch Box. I feel privileged to have been able to see this today. Privileged I say with a huge amount of respect to the concept and creation that I saw today. It is a must-watch for all the people who have loved reading my blogposts so far. This movie makes you think at all levels. Obviously it is a serious matured cinema, may not go well if you are in a weekend light hearted mood.

I am a very emotional person and can easily relate to the pain of others. This movie though works differently. It is no where loud on the pain element, the characters are just leading normal lives... The director leaves it to you to identify pain and relate to them at levels where you can connect. Apart from the strong story line, a very strong star cast - who to me are truly seasoned actors - adds icing to the cake.

I am not going to give away any of the story here as I don't like it myself when movie reviewers get carried away and divulge all the fun. Watch it for yourself.

You know, in this big universe each one of us are such small elements, however still everyday we think of ourselves as some big shot. Each day we struggle to make  ourselves known. Each day we forget about all the good things we have and run after things we don't have. Each day we feel that God is being unfair on us and have given us the worst life. Other's life always seems better than ours. A long time ago I had written a post called 'Mine is Bigger' - the movie brought home the concept for me. We always feel that my pain, my suffering, my experience is the worst, the biggest, bigger than everybody I know. This movie makes you rethink this, without being preachy at all.

I have always believed that cinema is a powerful method of social work, and this movie just explores that aspect so beautifully. Just talking about a simple life of two individuals - to whom you can relate yourself so well - the movie gives away important messages of life.

I am glad that not all film makers and actors are running after making commercial cinema - 200 crore rupees club is the new buzz word in tinsel town. Obviously I am not saying that light hearted cinema is not useful, sometimes you don't want to watch a miserable life on a 22m screen and fantasy world seems a perfect way to getaway and unwind. But the so called 'parallel' cinema is what kicks me after a tiring day at work. There is so much pain in the world, mine cannot be the biggest!

Therefore, every day thank God for everything you have got. Thank your country for everything it has given you. Thank your family for everything they have helped you with. Life is too short and we are too little in this cosmos - therefore, just be happy and spread happiness around!

Indian Youth

I just came back from a birthday party of a friend's son. The little son has turned one today and his proud parents had thrown a party to celebrate that. Obviously as you can see such things don't particularly excite me. What was exciting was to meet a big gathering of Indians in the party and find out what was up in their lives. Most of it was about raising kids in London and long work hours causing hindrance in achieving work life balance. However it all sounded under control and more towards being the usual moaning Indian mentality... I have only seldom come across truly optimistic Indian crowd and today's was no different.

Well this blog post is not about this. What stood out for me was the conversation I had with my friend's brother, who has, a couple of days back, come from India. He used to live in Gurgaon (satellite town of Delhi) with his wife, owned a house (on mortgage) and both husband wife were working. On the outset, it would sound like a perfect set up. Young couple, so still have some time to plan for kids. For me they would classify as an average middle class nuclear family trying to live in big metro cities and making a living on their own. I saw no apparent problems with that and immediately associated him with the new India. However, as we started talking more, he revealed that he has just sold his house, his wife has stayed back in Gurgaon and is living in a paying guest with a female friend and he himself has moved to Ireland to complete a Masters course. A perfectly settled life now suddenly started sounding too unsettled. This major step was not taken in any hurry. The couple had long thought about it and they both felt this to be the right move. Going out of the country, no matter where just seemed the right thing to do. He is frustrated that even with two salaries and yet no dependents, they are not saving enough. The tax structure is flat and the infrastructure is not at all good to justify the high taxes they pay. So here I had, a bright hard - working honest couple who would regularly pay their taxes eager to leave the country asap and throw their lives into uncertainty.

The plan is that the husband will study in Ireland, the wife will join in due course and start looking for a job there and eventually they will settle there bidding adieu to India forever. Obviously I am nobody to comment on whether this is right or wrong being myself a person who left the country for a year but has stayed out for longer than five years now. But I at least do definitely want to go back. I have not, in my heart and soul, yet been able to bid adieu to India. I want to go back at the next available opportunity, just don't know when that would be. This story of a first hand experience of an Indian youth troubled me. I could see India as a push factor - where people like him are being pushed out of the country, where is the pull factor - so that people like me can return to the country?

Clearly the current government has failed. Ten years is a long time to shape a country and India has completely lost shape in this time. Shall we not be definitely looking for a change??? I don't know who is the best alternative, all I definitely know is that the track record shows that no further chances be allowed to the incumbent. Else we will be caught in his infinite loop of pessimism, anxiety and social unrest which will be very difficult to come out of.

An ordinary story like this has caused a lot of pain in my heart. India is under global watch and the next elections are crucial for the country. I wish I was in India to contribute to the turning point of the country, but can I request all my friends and well wishers to go out and vote in the next general elections and contribute towards the change. I believe in change and I desperately want to see a change. India has all the ingredients to become the next big thing, therefore let's just create the right dynamics to achieve that goal!

Media and Debates

Sometimes it makes me really think the huge role media plays in creating and changing perceptions. And therefore such a role needs to be played responsibly. The Indo-Pak coverage, the Modi saga, the scams, the countdown to the elections - everything should be sensibly broadcasted. Indian media is no more restricted only to Indian audiences, it is global. Watching TV talk shows is very frustrating when people who don't know what is the concept of debating are invited. People use loose languages, speak as if they are in their living room discussing those topics. They need to understand that they are on air being watched by millions of Indians and non-Indians at home and abroad. The language needs to be professional and the debate needs to be more organised. I find people talking over each other all the time.

In British culture if you talk over the other person even by mistake, you profusely apologize. And in debates broadcasted on Indian media I find the participants and the host all talking over each other relentlessly. Same point being discussed over and over again, and sometimes really trivial matters made to look big. I do believe that there is a requirement for debate, something that has only recently found a place in Indian democracy. Unlike American democracy where the quality of debate has matured over the period of time. However it is important to understand and acknowledge that we have at this stage is very immatured and unfinished and embarrassing if I may say so. Please please and please let's talk sensibly when we are on air no matter what the topic of discussion is... Let's respect each other's opinions and objectively counter when given a chance to do so. I wish there were some personal development courses that can be made available to politicians, something that is very common in corporate culture. Debating will be the first skill they need to learn before coming on air to discuss their thoughts.

Paisa paisa paisa

Aao sab mile bhed bhao mitakar,
Purani ranjhisho mein aakhir rakkha kya
Kuchh tum apni sunao, kuchh hum sunaye
Kyunki zindagi na milegi dobara!

Kehta hai mera dil mujhse ki tum achchhe ho,
Duniya ke bhatkaye raste par bhatak gaye ho,
Paise ki lalach chhodo, paisa to maya hai
Jeewan mein khush rehna hai to milkar jiyo.

Mujhe nahi woh din yaad jab tum pehle aise the,
Kya hua aisa ki tumhe sabka pyar dhikhta nahi ab
Baki sab jaise the waise hi hai, par tum badal gaye
Pehle wale tum bankar laut aaoge kab?

Jeewan ke har padao ko samaan roop se jiyo,
Apno ko dookh dene wala sookhi rehta hai kya,
Jaise karoge aaj waisa aage khud bhi to bharoge
Itni saral baat samajhna itna kathin hai kya?

Samajhdar ho tum padhe likhe bhi ho,
Dikhta nahi kya tumhe kaisi galtiyan kar rahe ho?
Apno ka saath to kismat walo ko milta hai
Uski paise ke naam par aahuti chada rahe ho?

Paisa paisa, hai paisa, kaisi banayi insaan ne aapda,
Na ho to dookh, jyada ho to pareshani,
Sari samasyaon ki jad hai aaj paisa
Jiske peechhe bhaag rahi yeh duniya bani diwani!!!